Mourning with Those that Mourn

LDS.org

Life is naturally full of death.
It's a unavoidable part of life.

And even when you understand and really know the truth of the Plan of Salvation, it doesn't make it much easier when a loved one dies.

Yes, having the knowledge of the promises of eternal relationships, knowing you will see your loved one again helps. But it's a promise that will be fulfilled in the future. At the moment, death hurts. You miss them. For the rest of your mortal life, you won't see them again. You won't be able to make new memories with them. Past memories can be both a comfort and a pain.

Elder Russell M. Nelson said:

Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die” (D&C 42:45).

Part of our baptismal covenant says we "are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:8-10).

It can be awkward knowing how to comfort those that need it. Sometimes it's just important to mourn with them. Some ideas for us to mourn and comfort with others are as follows:

• Enter the world of the grieving.
• Be sure to visit.
• Tell me that she loved me.
• Let me talk. Listen.
• Tell me I look great and I'm doing great.
• Understand that I don't feel normal in social situations.
• Compliment me if you believe that I am a stronger person for having endured this trial.
• Love us.
• Visit frequently (not just around the funeral).
• Extend a helpful hand.

However, sometimes the ways we try to comfort can be insensitive. Here is a list of things we should really avoid:

• Don't tell me how to feel.
• Don't tell me to be strong.
• Don't expect me to "get over it."
• Don't tell me you understand.
• Don't give me a time limit on when I should be "better."
• Don't tell me to get married.
• Don't make me do anything.

Sources: "Willing to Mourn with Those that Mourn . . ."; "To Mourn with Those That Mourn"

Dear Mothers of Angels

I have a healthy 14 month old boy. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with another healthy little boy. Most of my life revolves around these two. I'm one of those mothers who is always posting pictures and videos of my son so that our distant family can follow along with their grandson's or nephew's life.

The Child Who Was Never Born
LifeSiteNews.com

But, dear mothers of angels, I am always thinking of you every time I look at my little boy or feel my younger son kicking. I'll go on a walk watching my son play with rocks, bugs and puddles and think of you and how you're doing. Going through the trials of a first trimester and then the waking in the middle of the night because your child is a wanna-be acrobat, I think of you and your child.

I have learned from you. I have learned how to better express my love toward my children. I have learned you can't compare or fully understand another's suffering, but you can mourn together. I have learned you can still be joyful with others even while you are experiencing trials. I have learned to take more joy from my children, even when sleep is deprived and energy lacking. I am still learning from you.

I just want you to know that you really are a mother of an angel. Eve was named mother of all living before she ever had children or gave birth (Genesis 3:20; Moses 4:26). I don't have answers as to why some of us struggle to have children and others don't seem to. In this last General Conference, I heard Sister Linda S. Reeves speak and thought of us all who suffer and struggle in one way or another:

Understandably, many have expressed that our Father’s promised blessings are just “way too far away,” particularly when our lives are overflowing with challenges. But Amulek taught that “this life is the time … to prepare to meet God.” It is not the time to receive all of our blessings. President Packer explained, “‘And they all lived happily ever after’ is never written into the second act. That line belongs in the third act, when the mysteries are solved and everything is put right.”

I love you. I care for you. I'm not perfect. Sometimes I'm awkward in trying to mourn with you and comfort those who need it while at the same time taking joy in my sons. I'm working on it. You are filled with so much love for those around you. You are a great example to me as you play with my son when he'd be near the same age as your's, or helping me through the difficulties of pregnancy. I desire to be more like you. I thank you for being joyful with me about my children. Thank you for being a mother to your own angel child as well as every child that comes your way.

I simply want you to know you aren't alone. I'm awkward in expressing how much I love you and do mourn with you, but please know there is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of you and send up a prayer.

Your Sister, Your Friend,
Another Mother.


P.S. A couple of years ago I studied the topic of "The Doctrine of the Salvation of Little Children" and wrote a blog post of some of the things I had learned. It has been a comfort to me when I worry about my own and other's children. I hope that it could bring some comfort to you as well.