Keeping the Marriage Strong: Transition from Childless to a House Full

The transition between being married and having no children to then having children is a big one. One young mother of two I interviewed said, “It is the hardest transition you will ever go through. Much harder than from single to married.” The concept of bringing little children into the world, raising and supporting them, teaching them how to be productive members of society and return to our Father in Heaven, causes me to stress and worry. I am already nervous about such a big transition. The responses from parents I interview truly helped me gain advice and counsel that can help me prepare for that new stage of life. I hope that it can help you too. I interviewed four individuals: my mother, my father, and three young mothers. If you have any other advice or answers to these questions, comment!

1. What counsel do you have about working together as a couple during pregnancy?

• Talk. Sometimes it is hard for the woman and the man to understand the challenges both are experiencing. The only way for both to learn is to talk to each other.
• Educate yourselves. This involved both listening to each other and preparing together.
• Patience. Both the man and woman will have stressful days.
• Be flexible.

2. What counsel do you have about keeping the marriage strong during pregnancy?

• Date more than before. Just do something together respecting the fact that perhaps the woman doesn’t want to go out in public while pregnant.
• Expressing love and appreciation. Little notes can be written for encouragement and strengthening of each other’s spirit when things can become difficult.
• Husbands need to be protective of their wives. Sometimes the women face rudeness while pregnant and having little children around. 
• It’s okay to cry over little things and be understanding. 

3. What counsel do you have about working together as a couple while raising children?

• Be on the same page. Goals may be the same, but methods of getting there are often different. Be united in how you choose to discipline.
• Have one set of agreed upon values to teach your children.
• Discuss the issues and methods and talk about strengthens and weaknesses in following the Lord’s counsel.
• Be comfortable together about the priorities of the family.
• Set good patterns as a couple before having children.
• Do not argue in front of the children. Ever.

4. What counsel do you have about keeping the marriage strong while raising children?

• Always be on your spouse’s team. Never say a negative word about the spouse.
• Do the little things. The day-to-day courtesies matter so much more than the big, extravagant gestures. Spent time pampering your spouse.
• Build the relationship with your spouse. Children will grow and move out. Your spouse should always be by your side. Make sure they are always your best friend.
• Validate your spouse that what they are doing is valuable.
• Be mindful.
• You must adapt and be sensitive to change.

5. What suggestions do you have to help couples make the transition between having no children to having children?

• Be prepared for change.
• Be flexible with non-essential principles.
• Keep core values strong.
• Start patterns early (before children are there).
• Set money aside.
• Pray.
• Crankiest time for a child is dinner time. Also the time when a parent is returning from work. And the time meal preparation is occurring. Can make it stressful for everyone.
• Simplify expectations and prepare ahead of time.
• Make time for your spouse.
• Have a healthy support group.
• Celebrate and enjoy the ride.

6. What important lessons did you learn during that transition?

• I could do it!
• God gave us families so I could learn that I wasn’t perfect.
• Chill out with the silly things that won’t matter.
• Being a mom is what I truly want to do.
• Some things I though were important no longer are.
• Love my husband even more now that he’s a Dad.
• I don’t hold the corner on advice.
• Many things I would be willing to do or sacrifice on behalf of my children that I would have been to lazy to do for just my spouse and me.
• There is more than one way to accomplish something.
• Listen, Listen, Listen.

Other articles:

Packer, Boyd K. "Marriage." Ensign. May 1981. 

Jensen, Wendi Lyn. "Six Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong." Ensign. June 2006.