Fantasies of the Heart

I think each of us dreams of something. Perhaps late at night or in full daylight. It's usually a secret close to the heart where no one can shatter such a fragile hope that can keep us going through a particular difficult day.

Dreams of travel to another country. Dreams of having an adventure. Dreams of a Fairy-Tale life, without, perhaps the dangers included in such an existence.

It's probable that such are so very unrealistic and we just have them, our little alternate worlds, to escape to helping us to truly appreciate what we have and what we aim for. But there are always little steps in which hopes and dreams can be a little more real. If you truly wish such an existence. I think though, that we can discover the life we actually live, Is a story worth writing. Where we are the main character and also the author of what's happening next. Or at least, how we view the world around us.

I live in a world where I frequently come into contact with children creating friends for life whose hearts are made of wishes. Where snow magically appears in the California Valley. Where the virtual world becomes such a part of reality. Where Hopes and Dreams really can occur, but are already happening in the moments that past you by as you sit dreaming.

Further Freedom

Earning my Driver's License was a great surprise to me at how much more freedom I felt out of life. My world kinda expanded. I mean, it was the exact same as before. But now I could finally go out whenever I wanted to. Although, I still don't have my own car (not that I want one at this point in my life. Too many problems are introduced by a car). But still, I can drive when a car is available.

So today, I went shopping with my sister. For what? Well, Christmas presents of course. :D and for my own college life. Needed things for that too. It was fun. Shopping with my sister and all. I loved it. Love, Love, Love shopping. I really really do. :D Although, it's better if I have money to spend and many money left over to be spent and saved another time.

Well, one thing I bought today was a cell phone. My very first cell phone ever. lol. I know. sadly pathetic. But having phone is still pretty wonderful. and guess what else? I've discovered that I rather enjoy having my world slowly widen and blossom before me. It's wonderful and lovely all wrapped together with excitement.

:D

Gotta Love the way we Learn new Things.

Life: The Continuing Performance

Late at night, before going to bed, is the time in which I think of some very strange, enlightened, and hopefully clever and thoughtful things. It was at that time last night in which I came up with this phrase:

Life is a great show with tears of laughter and happiness as well as sorrow and disappointment, but it's most rewarding when your a part of it.

What do I mean by that? Well sometimes it seems to me that I am more of an observer of life rather than an actual participant. Much like the character Nick in the book The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. An observer and commenter on the life of excitement and drama around me. That's what I frequently feel like.

I'm sure many feel that way. Although, I do have to say that I there are times in which I see the excitement in my own life. I just wish that more often the excitement would include others. Though I suppose that is my own fault. :P But yet, even when there is a time when I'm with a large group of people, I become Nick from The Great Gatsby. Seriously.

But I think that I'm pretty good at the whole observation and understanding thing. Sometimes I wish I could just be a commentary on Life. Not just my life, although, that would obviously have to be addressed, but others. A "Live Feed" if you will. That's what I think what I use my Journal for. As well as thoughts and theories and such.

What a show that would be. "Life: The Continuing Performance"

I think every day would be a little more interesting if, while your working or driving etc, you think, "While waiting at the stop light for the light to change, I looked around me at the other drivers and noticed how they tapped their hands to music and prepared for the day tying ties, playing with hair, putting on makeup." I mean, there is just so much things we could probably comment on in our lives. But the important thing is to comment positively, and to gain wisdom from your own experience and others. Must be careful when commentating. Thoughts Lead to Actions. Thinking positively can give you the best attitude in Life, and when thinking negatively, well, things can go wrong.

But what a show to see and experience. Different for every person. Different scenes, different characters, different commentary.

An Unexpected Thought Provoking Moment

There is just something that I truly have not expected or thought about much and took me by much surprise today.

I'm on my Facebook, just catching up with what people from my graduation class are currently up to. I've learned several things. First, I have really smart classmates who are going to places such as Princeton, Carnegie Mellon, and just so many other places that it just amazes me. Well, I look at this one guy's. He's a great person and always fun to see and talk to. Or even listen to his conversations. He loves Theater. Well, he has changed his whole "relationship status" from "single" to "engaged" and I was surprised and amazed. I never really knew him all that well. But I knew of him. and as I have said before, he's just a great guy.

So I figured out that he's not really engaged. I think. But all the same it was a shock to even consider. I can see girls my age getting engaged. It wouldn't surprise me hearing of a classmate getting engaged. But a guy? that was so very strange. Just because I assume both would be young. Still in college, first year, first semester in fact. And engaged? Just so strange.

I've never considered that angle before. Ever. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard of or met a guy who's barely 18 years, and is in his first semester of college, getting engaged. Ever.

What an interesting story that would be. It would go something like this:

Boy meets the uncertainty of college, of hope and dreams of his passion of career, trying to figure out the meaning of life of what he is to do, but he is so very set on Theater and that world which opens up worlds that are only in imagination. Trying to discover himself in the process of acting as characters with a plot and purpose.
Then, he comes across a girl. And the world shifts.
It's happened before. Every girl he meets makes the floor move under his feet. He changes a bit from every encounter. But this was a bit different. But he couldn't quite pin-point it out.
He and she cross paths throughout the day as they are going to separate classes. Which is unusual in and of itself, it being such a large school with so many classes at so many different times. Then, while in a little town's coffee shop on the corner where one can access the internet, listen to music, drink coffee, and see and be seen, they truly meet. And talk. and talk. And something magical occurs.

Wouldn't that be interesting?

Variety

I'm sure you know what the definition of a Talent is.

It's a natural aptitude or skill.

Now, what is Variety?

The quality or state of being different or diverse; the absence of uniformity, sameness, or monotony.

Talent Show vs. Variety Show.

Love both. But I just have to say, I like Variety Shows so much better.

I want to have talents for my own list of variety.

Optional Talents:

Cook
Dancer
Juggler
Singer
Writer
Mechanic
Electrician
Painter
Sculptor
Marksman
Carpenter
Gardener
Musician
Singer
Flexibility
Wise
Witty
Smart
Acting

etc...

So let's see. What kind of talents do I have that I can work on, develop, or create? What of you?

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.

Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty."
~Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Happiness, Your Heritage,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 117–20

Creating something is special. I think that's what talents are mostly about. Creating things. There are so many things to create. And just the option of creating something can become a talent. And so many different varieties.

Bracelets and Necklaces.
Story.
Decoration for a house to make it a home.
Food.
etc.

I mean. There is just so many options to create.

So go out there. and Create.

Someday. I'll take a picture of something I've created. :D

Mall: Shopping, Selling, Stuffing

So a certain one of my brothers dislikes shopping. Although, shopping for food is ok.

But today he was planning to go shopping for clothes, aka pants, at the mall.

My Brother.

Shopping.

For Clothes.

At the Mall.

The previous bits of sentences have never been seen in one sentence before today. It is a one time occurrence. World Record.
Amazing.

Anyways, I didn't say anything, because if I did, he'd probably not go anymore.

I really wanted to go with him. I mean, it would be a fun! A Brother-Sister thing. Shopping. I could help him. I know where things are located. I like shopping. As long as I actually have the money to spend. But spending my brother's money? That's different. :P

So he's basically walking out the door. And he asks if anyone wants to go with him.

I stare at him in shock and hope. But I don't dare say anything, because what if he didn't mean it. Or what if I was too excited or something? Then he might not want me to go. So I just stare.

My mom sees me. And tells him I would like to go.

"You want to go?" by dear brother asks me.

"Yes."

"Shopping?"

"Yes."

"With me? To pick out CLOTHES?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to buy anything?"

"No."

"Uhh. You aren't?"

"No."

"You want to come?"

"Yes." (Frantic head bobbing)

"Umm. ok. Whatever." aka. You're strange, but you can come.

So we are at the mall. JC Penny to be exact, looking for Cargo pants. Those are hard to find. jeans and nice dress pants sure, but cargo? difficult. We could only find one rack and that didn't work out so we were leaving that store when I come across my mother.

"Umm. Mom? Hi. What are you doing here?"

"Alex! I'm so glad I found u guys!" my mom says. Surprised to see us. She was looking for us in a crazy hectic mall with people everywhere and she had no idea where we were at.

"Alex. Build-A-Bear just called and they want you to come in right now."

Background. I now work at Build-A-Bear. It's great. I love it. and its perfect for me. Storytelling and all. And Stuffed Animals. Love that part. It's my first job. I love it. Plus, it's money being saved for college use before I actually start in January.

Anyways, so the Build-A-Bear is located at the mall. Which I was in. Shopping with my brother.

So on my way out to the truck to drive home and change into uniform and come back I stopped by. The manager was soooo very glad to see me. So I told her that I was coming. But I just needed to pop home, change, and come back. So I'm coming, but I just have to change. I saw how they needed help. I mean, there were lines everywhere! To stuff a bear and also at the register. It was insane.

So I came back. Dressed up. And I had a good time. I wasn't on the register because I'm really new to my job, but I was stuffing bears. It was great. I love it. Stuffing for kids. Stuffing for the adults for their children for Christmas or for their birthdays. Or stuffing for their sisters or boyfriends. Even some guys for their girlfriends. It's just great. It's a giving place. Stuffed animals just mean something special. Rather then clothes and such. But stuffed animals. They touch at the heart. I Adore it.

Adore hearing their stories. Of their lives. Who it is for. What they wish to name it. The silly heart ceremony that just touches your own heart when you see children acting adorable. Or hearing it's for their father before he goes back to the military. Or for his children. It's just sweet. I love it.

:D

So it's been a great day.

(Plus my brother bought some pants!!)

Stories and I

Someday I wish to be a writer.

or to be more precise:

I wish to become a better story teller.

On my mom's side of the family the most normal days become some adventure and excitement. All based on the words used, how they use them, and their expressions and movements. In my opinion, my mother's stories of what my younger brother did today, or what I did when I was a toddler, they've rubbed off on me.

I clearly remember a time when I'd look at the children's Disney books my family owned and not being able to know what the words said. I could read yet. I knew they were what told me the story, the secret code, to the book. But only my parents could decipher it.

My first day of Kindergarten. I come home crying. My mom is worried. I'm her oldest. She's just had to send off her little girl to school. And now she's crying. "What's wrong?" she asked me. And after a large overflow of tears and sobs, she finally gets out of me the answer in wails, "I can't Read Yet!!! You said I would read!!!"

My parents had told me that I'd learn how to read in Kindergarten. I had wanted to learn how to and that was their answer to when I would.

But to my extreme disappointment, I could not after my first day.

I remember that when I first was able to read and we'd travel anywhere, I couldn't help myself from reading everything that past me in the car window. In fact, it became such a headache I would cover my eyes or squeeze them tight as long as I could. But as a child, your eyes don't stay closed to the world for long (unless it's in sleep).

I remember always changing my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up. An astronaut, a policeman, a firefighter, the first woman president, etc etc. But I really didn't know. Those were the only occupations I was aware of. From where? Stories.

I realized that a person can travel to an entire different world or a very similar one, all in the books. I've always wanted to do something involving words and stories.

But a writer? Sure. That'd be great.

However, a storyteller that is a writer. That's the difference. I wish to be able to capture the imagination and expand on it for any reader that opens a book. But captures it like a storyteller does. But all within a pages of a book.

Now, that would be magic.

Maybe you can tell from all of this that I read a lot. It is a known fact among those who know me well that I always have a book. Always. Now, to break the news to my disillusioned friends, that is not as true as I sometimes wish it was. But it is rather close. But not in times when I have run out of the 20 books I've checked out of the library and my mother wouldn't take me after a week of not being at the library. (But I have my license now, so I try not to have that be a problem any longer. :D)

So I read. A lot. And sometimes am not extraordinary productive in my chores. Or socialization.

My dad then came up with an excellent way to be productive in the field of reading too much. Write book reviews on at least one out of the 20 books you read then perhaps you'll be noticed. It's a way to become an author. Clever! But there are so many others who do the same thing.

But I'll try.

In my own way.

Along with thoughts on life. And perhaps some stories of life. Maybe even ideas on another world.


:D

Leader's Hope

So here's an interesting quote:

"A leader is a dealer in hope."
Napoleon Bonaparte

I mean. Thinking of who said it. And what he had accomplished in his life. Well, it's an interesting quote. It really is.

If we look at the many different kinds of leaders in the world Napoleon seems to be right. Hitler gave hope to a people who had been blamed for the Great War and the Great Depression, and then suffered the effects of both.

I think the word "dealer" that Napoleon used is significant. Would it help the leader's cause to give hope to this group rather then this group? Or Would it be better to hold on to the hope just for a little while longer?

I think that quote is interesting, especially when considering who said it and what he did in his lifetime.

Forgetfulness

Today has been a wonderful day.
I woke up with an actual activities planned for the day.
I was to take a friend to her water polo section game. It was fun! Afterwards, we went to In-N-Out and ate. It's great to be able to talk to friends and catch up with each others lives and be listened to.
However, I had forgotten my journal. I had just started one. A handwritten one. I have been using an online one, but it is hard to get in print without the sufficient extra funds. So I restarted a handwriting one again. I took it with me to the water polo game, because I didn't know what else I was going to do, as I actually didn't have a book. For once. :D Well, as it turns out. I have forgotten my journal at the bleachers. I know. Sadness. I now have to buy a new journal. More money to spend. I don't normally have that kind of cash. Anyways, so I just find it rather interesting that I have left a journal at a high school and I'm not really concerned that somebody might read it. In fact, I think it would be good if someone read it. It's all on thoughts of life and also about the gospel. Nothing else. :P Which is rather silly. But I think that if someone takes the time to read it, then they may have thoughts they may not have had before.
So. What if I wrote a journal of thoughts and notes on those kind of things. And then leave it on a bench somewhere. Or a copy of it. But wouldn't that be interesting?

Growing Up

My plan.
For life.
I'm currently figuring out the things of life. Like things for college. and just regular life. Learning about bills, and bank accounts, and checks, and credit cards. It's all very confusing. I don't enjoy that much. But it is all very interesting.
So I'm going to college this January. As I had a Winter-Spring track. Up at BYU-I. It's all very exciting. But I'm discovering all I don't know before I have even arrived at a college class.
Definition of Growing Up: Realizing how much one does not know of the world about oneself.
As children, the world is small, limited, and partial imaginary. For the wise, the world is limitless and things are possible as long as you have the imagination to conceive it. But you have to have the determination to achieve making imagination reality.
That's what I'm discovering.
And it's an exciting way to reach out into my world.
Surprises around every turn.
My plan.
Is to be wise.