Gossip

I've always defined gossip as talking negatively about an individual who isn't there. What if it's the truth though? Or what if it's to make sure someone gets the help they need because they're taking drugs or something? Would it still be gossip?

I've learned to examine conversation with four questions to help me define whether it is gossip or not:

1. Would it be better left unsaid? (If yes, it's gossip).
2. Is it personal information about another that you don't have permission to share? (If yes, it's gossip).
3. Does it harm the reputation of the subject of conversation? (If yes, it's gossip).
4. Is your intention to help the individual and are you informing someone who is in a position to help? (Answer has to be yes for both halves of this question for it not to be considered gossip).

It doesn't matter if want you say is true and factual; if it can cause harm, it causes harm. There is no positive to gossip. It destroys. It never builds.

Harms of Gossip

There are three individuals gossip ravages: the gossiper, the listener and the victim.

Elder Gene R. Cook mentioned that before the Savior arrived in the Americas that “Satan did stir them up to do iniquity continually; yea, he did go about spreading rumors and contentions upon all the face of the land, that he might harden the hearts of the people against that which was good and against that which should come” (Hel. 16:22). Gossip is an effective weapon against good. It really does harm everyone it comes into contact with.

One writer said, "Cooperation and good feelings among those who work together in Church callings are also iced over when gossip occurs." That's within the relationships between members of the Church. Imagine how destructive it could be in friendships and family relationships.

LDS.org

Why does the gossiper gossip? There are a few reasons. Sometimes when we feel insecure about ourselves, we pick, poke, and prod at others because if they are worse than we are, we must be better. Other times individuals have been gossiped about, so they gossip too. In some cases, gossip has just become a habit of conversation. Gossiping may feel like a great way to bond with others, but it's not.

Gossiping actually makes the gossiper more and more isolated. Gossiping makes people feel uncomfortable. It also causes them to not trust the gossiper with any personal revelations. Relationships cannot be built or strengthened if you can't trust one party to retain information given in confidence. The same writer mentioned earlier also said, "When we refrain from repeating cruel or careless words, we not only are able to serve more effectively but we also build a foundation for closeness and friendship." If the gossiper is talking about someone else in such a manner, you can't trust that anything they learn about you won't be shared too. People start to withdraw from the gossiper. The gossiper may sense this and so try to strengthen then relationship by gossiping about others. In the short term it may feel as if bonds are strengthening, but in reality it only worsens. Gossiping hardens your hearts towards people.

Our relationships are again affected as we alienate ourselves from others. We feel a cold, hollow hypocrisy as we greet or deal with people we have talked about negatively. Our own feelings of worth and our outlook on life are affected as we expect others to talk about us with the same lack of regard. We become nervous about appearing less than perfect because others might talk about us. After all, how can we expect others to act more nobly than we ourselves are acting? Worse, we pull ourselves away from Heavenly Father and cannot feel the warmth of his approval when we are being unkind to his other children. We alienate ourselves spiritually and thus feel even more shut out. "The Frigid Wind of Gossip."

The listener becomes an injured party too. Generally you don't want to hear gossip. It can be uncomfortable to listen to and you might learn things about others you just didn't want to learn. It skews your perception and judgment. It will harm the relationship you have with both the victim of the gossip and the gossiper. You start to avoid the gossiper and you have no idea how to communicate to the victim now that you know "things."

Obviously the victim is harmed. Gossip harms the relationships the individual has with others. Those that hear the gossip treat the individual differently, even if they know it's not true. Gossip isn't something that can be taken back. It's also not something easily confronted as it's said almost in whispers and behind hands. It cuts that people would participate in gossip. Gossip is only focusing on the victims faults. Knowing that people are poking at real or imagined faults causes the victim to become insecure and to focus so much on their own faults they might overlook what is wonderful about themselves. When people are insecure it harms their mental well-being and their confidence which overflows in all aspects of their lives. No one should want to cause this kind of harm in others.

Gossip can destroy friendships. It can destroy families. Gossip is not something you ever want. It only destroys.

Stopping the Gossip

Gossip is sneaky. You don't always realize it is gossip when arrives in conversation (thus the questions to ask yourself mentioned earlier). Gossip can be difficult to stop once it starts. Each individual involved in the gossip can do their part.

Gossiper. If gossip is a habit of conversation, it's important to learn new conversation topics and habits. If you find you're gossiping because it makes you feel better about yourself in comparison, you need to find confidence in who you are without involving any comparison. You should learn to look at yourself and realize how good you are as you. Don't involve anyone else other than Heavenly Father in gaining self-esteem. If you have been told things in confidence, keep them confidences. Sometimes people need to have someone to talk to about personal issues, but it doesn't mean you share what they shared with others. 

Listener. Gossip can surprise the listener. You don't plan to hear it. But there are three things you can do to not be a participant. For every negative quality being mentioned about an individual, you should start listing two positive qualities. It's important to recognize faults are not all that people are. When positive qualities are listed, you find yourself not wanting to focus on their faults. If that doesn't work, you could just ask them to stop. Tell them you're uncomfortable. That can be difficult to do. It may even feel rude, but it would be worse to let such conversation to continue. If gossip still continues, physically leave the conversation. If you let gossip continue then you are allowing harm to come to everyone involved, especially the victim and yourself.

Victim. How can you stop gossip when you aren't even present for the conversation? There really isn't much you can do. Being in such a situation would be a true refiner's fire. It's far from an ideal situation. What you can do is focus on yourself and your own responses. Gossiping in retaliation only worsens the entire situation. You have to really learn to “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44). Such a tough challenge that will definitely strengthen your character. The other thing you will have to do is recognize your divine worth. Recognize you are a child of God. Recognize your great qualities. Recognize your faults and where you can be better, but don't ever let it get you down. Always strive to be better, but recognize who you are today is a child of God. You will create a strong character that can be a foundation for others.

Create a Safe Haven

Become one of those individuals that people know would never reveal confidences. Become one of those people no one will gossip around because they know you won't accept it. Become the warm, safe, caring shelter for those who need it. Especially the most important people in your life: your spouse, your children, your relatives, your friends.

"For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). If that's what our Heavenly Father's and Jesus Christ's goal is for all of us, then we should desire to be a part of it. Gossiping about others is a sure way to work against God's goals. We should be helping each other up, not tearing them down. "Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings" (D&C 108:7).

Resources:

Family Home Evening Resource Book

Q&A: We are warned against gossiping. But is it gossip if what we talk about is true?

Q&A: The scriptures warn us against gossiping. But what should we do if someone starts gossiping to us or spreads gossip about us?

Mormon Women: Introduction

I am a sister, daughter, wife, and soon-to-be mother. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. and I believe that men and women are equal, but different.

There have been news articles for several years mentioning women's groups or individuals desiring through petitions, protests, and legal means to be ordained the priesthood and become ministers in their churches. Recently, there has been a focus on a group called Ordain Women founded by Kate Kelly who are attempting to change The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' policy and have women be ordained the priesthood. The founder of the group was excommunicated just a few days ago for activities that have put at jeopardy others' testimonies and eternal salvation (Deseret News article here). I feel so sorry for her.

I have tried to avoid this topic of discussion because so many individuals become so aggressively passionate about it, and I really try to avoid contention. There are so many other blog posts and news articles and Twitter or Facebook posts, that it can be overwhelming. But I wanted to add my simple little voice to all the others out there.

I want to share with my friends and family my beliefs. How, as a woman of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I do not feel unappreciated or insignificant because I am not ordained the priesthood. I want to express my personal understanding of what the priesthood is. I want to share my knowledge that women and men are equally great and wonderful, just in different ways. I want to share how this Church actually encourages women to become all that they can be and reach their full potential. I want to share how I know this Church is true. That it's directed by God Himself through a prophet, just like in times of old.

I don't know everything. I'm not in any position to declare doctrine. But I can share with you what I do know and what I am learning. To avoid writing one huge post, I plan to write a little series of them. When they are finished, they will be linked to each other at the end of each post.

Mormon Women Series:
Introduction
Ask Questions
The Administration and Membership of the Church
What is the Priesthood?
Priesthood and Women
Women's Divine Gifts

Faith is like a Little Seed

Faith

by Beatrice Goff Jackson

Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day.

Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray.

Faith is like a little seed:

If planted, it will grow.

Faith is a swelling within my heart.

When I do right, I know.

Faith is knowing I lived with God before my mortal birth.

Faith is knowing I can return when my life ends on earth.

Faith is trust in God above;

In Christ, who showed the way.

Faith is strengthened; I feel it grow

Whenever I obey.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we frequently compare faith to a seed. This could result from the comparison of faith to a mustard seed that Savior gives in the Bible.

And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you (Luke 17:6). 

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you (Matthew 17:20).

We generally use Alma 32 as our main source, even though in this chapter it compares "the word unto a seed" (v. 28). However, the analogy still works really well when compared to faith.

Avocado seed sprouting
Source: The Avocado Diet

About a year ago, my husband and I decided we would try to grow an avocado tree from one of the pits after making some guacamole. We are not gardeners. At all. We searched through the internet for directions and discovered that we just needed to stick it with three toothpicks to hold it about halfway in water. Then we needed to wait. We waited for a long time. It took about 5 weeks before we saw any roots or stem. All we noticed was the pit splitting apart. I honestly thought the pit was rotting, but I hoped that it wasn't. We waited some more, making sure the water level was high enough.

Eventually, we saw that it was alive and growing! Once a root and stem were visible we were more excited and regularly checked it to see how it changed since the last time we looked (anything from a few hours to a few days). Several weeks later we believed it to be rooted enough and tall enough to move into a pot. We purposely choose a good sized pot to encourage the tree to grow even more. We kept it inside through fall and winter to make sure the Rexburg, Idaho cold temperatures wouldn't kill our plant before it had a chance to fight back.

This spring, the weather was warmer earlier than it normally is. As a result, my dear husband put out a good portion of our house plants to our concrete porch to enjoy the unfiltered sunlight and breeze. However, we'd forget to bring them in at night when the temperature drops. We'd forget we needed to water it more considering it's on the hot concrete in the sun. We'd forget to bring it in when we'd have strong winds and storms passing through. Our little avocado tree really suffered. Its leaves were torn and they curled up. It stopped growing upward and producing new leaves. We are now very diligent about bringing this little tree inside when the weather outside looks frightful.

Our year old avocado tree

Now what does this have to do with faith? What similarities are there between faith and this avocado tree?

We experimented. We aren't gardeners. We know almost nothing about plants other than giving them water and sunlight and room to grow. We especially didn't know how to grow something from the leftovers of the fruits (or vegetables) we eat. It was an experiment.
Alma says, "Awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith" (v. 27). We need to exercise just a particle of faith in Christ and experiment upon the words of God, His commandments. My husband and I simply stuck toothpicks in an avocado pit, put it in some water and placed it in the sunlight. That's all we did. Occasionally, we'd noticed the water level lower than it should be so we'd add more. However, that's truly all we did at first. Just exercised a little faith.

I mentioned that there was a period of time where I was worried the avocado wasn't going to sprout, that it rotted. As verse 32 reads, "Therefore, if a seed groweth it is good, but if it groweth not, behold it is not good, therefore it is cast away." That's obvious. Exercise faith. See what comes from it. Be patient. You'll learn if your faith was worth it. Faith in the Savior is always worth it. Just exercise some faith and patience. If I had thrown the seed out when I had first thought it was rotted, we wouldn't have the little tree we have now. I just didn't recognize the signs of it sprouting. We are told of how to plant a spiritual seed in us:

Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me (v. 28).

Seeds swell before they sprout. I hadn't really realized that before. They absorb the water, the nourishment, before growing roots or a stem. I like what verse 33 says, "And now, behold, because ye have tried the experiment, and planted the seed, and it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good." We were so excited to see this seed growing! Faith is the same way. We know that it has swelled, that it has sprouted, that our understanding increased, and our minds begin to expand (v. 34). But this is only the beginning. We don't just say the experiment was a success and then let the newly sprouted seed die. "Neither must ye lay aside your faith, for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good" (v. 36).

The next natural step is to continue to nourish the seed. To plant it in good soil and give it sunlight. To make sure the environment is favorable towards it. To water it. We must "nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us" (v. 37). How does this relate to faith? Once we recognize the truth of the gospel and the Savior, once we have exercised faith and given it the opportunity to grow, we need to continue to do so. We need to make sure to avoid unfavorable circumstances and situations that could harm us and our budding faith and testimony. For example, it would probably be best to avoid going to a midnight party where drugs and alcohol will be served and your standards challenged. Maybe you'd come through fine, but why put yourself in such a situation? If you know it's going to be cold and windy outside, why put your sprouting tender tree out in it purposely? Maybe it would survived, but perhaps it'd only cause it damage.

I love how Alma states the following:

But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.
Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof (v. 38-39).

If I neglected my little seed and it dies and I threw it out, it's not because it wasn't good or that it wouldn't have produced avocados in the future. It's because I didn't continue to put forth the effort to care for it. Faith in Jesus Christ is the same. You must continue to have it and exercise it. It's not because Christ isn't trustworthy; it's not because we wouldn't gain salvation if we continued. We just decided to stop, give up, and not endure to the end.

Our sprouting pineapple

Earlier, in verse 37 it mentioned nourishing the seed so that it grows roots. We have a pineapple we are currently experimenting with. It has grown these little white fuzzy roots which absorb the water. We are letting it develop more in this jar of water before giving it some soil. Just as we did with our avocado. Our little tree needed strong roots. If we hadn't given it the time to grow roots, to dig into it's pot of soil before accidentally leaving it outside to face the wind storms, I'm sure our little tree would have toppled and possibly died.

We need to make sure that our spiritual seed is growing firm roots in the foundation of the Savior. Helaman 5:12 reads:

Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

This way, when we face adversity we can be strong. Sometimes we experience trials because of our own choices and its consequences. For example, if your a chain smoker, you can expect to struggle with your health at some point in your life. Other times we experience trials because it's just a part of mortality. Elder Richard G. Scott says:

When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11-2). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain ("Trust in the Lord").

Our tender avocado faced winds, rain, hot concrete, cold nights. While we had made a mistake and left our tree outside and our tree suffered the consequence of that accidental decision, eventually our little tree will be permanently planted in the soil outside and have to face the natural weather. There are some things we can do to protect it at that point the best we can, but nature happens. We need to make sure we give it the best chance possible to survive. Just with our faith. We need to make sure to protect it. To encourage a strong foundation in Christ.

Sometimes our plants are cut down through no fault of our own. One avid gardner had beautiful rows of carrots and radishes. Her husband has a keen interest in horses. It just so happened that the tether on the horses were just long enough for them to reach the carrots and radishes. They nibbled the tops off. She was thinking that there was no coming back from such severe damage. However, she continued to care for her garden, hoping that they would be alright. They were and they produced lovely carrots and radishes.

There are times when our faith and testimony takes a severe beating and might be cut down through the trials and adversity we face. However, if we have a strong foundation in Christ and we nourish it, we can be stronger and better than before.

Our little avocado tree, while not having grown any taller since its trials, has grown thicker around its stalk. It's better able to face the strong winds it might experience in the future. Its roots have a firm grasp of the soil it is in. We, too, can be stimulated to grow through trials as Elder Scott mentioned.

Faith really is like a little seed. We just need to nourish it with actions of obedience to God through making and keeping covenants and obeying His commandments.

Natural Calamities and Repentance

I've been studying the Doctrine and Covenants the last few months, but yesterday's study really caused me to have a very, very strong Ah-ha Moment. I'm going to try to articulate it here.

I read the words of God in section 45 which seems to focus on the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and what we should be doing. Accompanying this reading, I studied words of prophets and apostles in "Section 45 'Looking Forth for the Great Day of the Lord'" from the Doctrine and Covenants Student Manual.

It was the combination of these two readings that created my Ah-ha Moment.

The majority of people know that Christians believe that signs of the Second Coming include wars, earthquakes, famines, pestilences, troubles in divers places (Matt. 24:7; Mark 13:8; Luke 21:11; D&C 45:33; JS-M 1:29). There are a lot of other signs, but these are just a few.

Married: Now what?

I've given Advice To Fiancées and the Phase 2 of Wedding Letters: The Thank You Cards. But now that I'm finally married to a wonderful man and more settled into my life, I thought I would share a few things I've learned.

Before arriving at your home, make sure the utilities are on and working. It depends on the deal you have with the owners, if you are paying utilities yourself or not, but make sure the water, electricity, gas, and plumbing are on. Make sure you have garbage services as well. This way, when you arrive, you can get a drink of water and anything else as needed.

The first thing to do upon your arrival in your new home is to buy a new mattress. This way, if nothing else, you have a place to sleep at the end of your first day settling in. Hopefully, you and your spouse have already gone to different mattress stores to get an idea of what you wanted and how much it would cost. As newlyweds, you generally receive a nice amount of cash that could help purchase the mattress you desire. I would recommend looking at outlet stores where the mattresses are brand new, but have a random dent or something that cuts down the prices several hundred dollars.

You don't have to unpack everything immediately. Sometimes you don't have a place for things yet. For example, a dresser or hangers for your clothes. It's okay to still use your suitcase of stuff. Don't feel rushed. You'll get there. Just do what you can each day.

Phase 2 of Wedding Letters: The Thank You Cards

I've been working on Thank You cards in response to the wedding gifts my husband and I have received a few months ago. There has been a few things I realized while I've been working on them that I wish to share with those who aren't quite sure what to do for Thank You cards.

1. Don't rush. You want the person receiving the card to know how much you appreciate them and their gift. Time is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. Take time on each card. Don't try to get them done in a short amount of time.
2. Be sincere and honest. My husband and I loved all of our gifts. Occasionally we had duplicates of things, but we were so grateful to have too many than to not have one at all. When thanking the person for their gift, really mean it. Find something you love about every gift and mention it to the person who gave it to you. For example, "I just wanted to say how grateful we are for the colander you gave us! We've love using it for our pasta nights or quickly rising vegetables for a stew. Thank you so much." Don't make up a fake reason why you are thankful for it; it reads falsely, and you want to show your sincere thanks to someone.
3. Thank them for who they are, not just what they gave you. This takes longer, which is why time is valuable. It can be hard to know all of your guests. But call your parents and your in-laws. Ask them for some basic information on those you don't know. Mention your gratitude for their presence in your life, in your spouse's life, in your parents' lives, in your siblings' lives, and why. Thank them for always being cheerful. Or always having an open home. Or guiding you. Or being a wonderful example. Etc. Make it personal. Express your gratitude for them.
4. Handwrite them. It doesn't have to be much. Write three or four sentences. But write them by hand. It expresses more of the time you were willing to give to really thank them for what they gave you.

My favorite part of writing these cards is the response I receive from them. "I wanted to send her a thank you card for the thank you card." You can brighten someone's day if you take the time and opportunity. And that, well, it brightens your own.

Advice To Fiancées

I'm getting married in 22 days. As I'm sure many of you that are married or engaged have realized, the wedding date is very apt at sneaking upon you like a lightening-fast ninja. I've been blessed enough in my own life to have had a little over three months from the moment I was engaged to the date of our wedding.

In my engagement time period, I've had numerous friends who have also gotten engaged or are on the verge of doing so. Having friends riding in a parallel engagement boat as you is a relief; my own little support group. That's what I think the world needs, support groups for fiancées and fiancés. It's helped so much. Each couple have discovered knowledge and tips about the process of getting married and share it so we all benefit. It works especially well when all the couples are in the same location during the engagement, even if they are getting married in different states.

You know how I mentioned that I have friends at the very beginning stages of being engaged? Well, these friends are starting to freak out (totally reasonable) and know that since I was a totally rational person during my own engagement (not), I've found they've come to me for information and wisdom, as if I knew all there is to know about being engaged.

Let me warn you now that I am no such source. Yes, I have definite experience in this area, but only for myself. I have no idea how helpful it would be to others. While this information will hopefully be helpful to all brides-to-be, it's more towards brides-to-be that are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But I'll share with you what I've discovered in hopes that it helps.

Making Decisions

This last weekend was stake conference as I mentioned in my post "Your Next Best 2 Years." A member of my stake presidency gave us stages of life we go through. They remind me of Erik Erikson's stages, but definitely different.

From Birth to 8 years old is the Dispensation of Unaccountability.
From 8 to 15 years old is the Dispensation of Development.
From 15 to 35 years old is the Dispensation of Decisions.
From 35 years when their kids are grown up is the Dispensation of Establishment.
From that time to death is the Dispensation to Give Back.

Currently, the majority of the people in my stake are in the 15-35 year range. Each of us making decisions. Some are those are huge decisions like deciding a major, a career, where to live, whom to marry for eternity, etc. It can be extremely stressful to make such a decision that would change your life forever. How do you make such an important decision?

Your Next Best 2 Years

This last weekend was a great one with stake conference. I had so many moments and inspiration that it'll take a few posts to organize it all. I'll begin with the topic: Your Next Best 2 Years.

I have a brother currently serving a mission. I have many friends currently serving missions. Many are coming home this year while many others have just left. I have many more friends who have returned from missions, and I'm engaged to one of them. When the topic of "The Next Best 2 Years" was discussed, I really listened to the words he had to say as well as what I can do.

I've never served a mission. When I was a child I wanted to because my mother served. Then for a long time I didn't. However, last year I was listening to a devotional or a CES fireside, or something, and I felt that I should begin preparing. I was turning 21 in a year and a half. For young women, 21 is the minimum age to serve a mission. I learned that preparing for marriage and preparing for the mission are the same thing. If I had neared by 21st birthday with no one in my life, then I was going to serve. If there was someone, then I wasn't. Elder Richard G. Scott quoted council from the First Presidency:

"'Worthy single women ages twenty-one and older … may be recommended to serve full-time missions. … These sisters can make a valuable contribution … , but they should not be pressured to serve. Bishops should not recommend them for missionary service if it will interfere with imminent marriage prospects'” ("Now Is the Time to Serve a Mission").

Funnily enough, once I made this decision and moved forward, I met my fiancé. But that's a different story.

3 Nephi 5

The Nephite people "did forsake all their sins, and their abominations, and their whoredoms, and did serve God with all diligence day and night" (3). When we have faith and repent we do good things. John H. Groberg said: "With faith in Him, our lives become focused on doing things of eternal value" ("The Lord's Wind").

Raising our Children in Zion

If you could create the most perfect community to raise your children in, what qualities and values would such a community have?

Zion refers to a couple of different things. Mostly it's the "pure in heart" or where the pure in heart reside. "Therefore, verily, thus saith the Lord, let Zion rejoice, for this is Zion—the pure in heart; therefore, let Zion rejoice, while all the wicked shall mourn" (Doctrine and Covenants 97:21).

The Lord calls his people Zion "because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them” (Moses 7:18).

Remember the City of Enoch? In Genesis it reads:"And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him" (Genesis 5:24).

April General Conference

The last time we had General Conference, I was in Switzerland. It seems such a long time ago, yet it also feels like I was just there. (These are my notes from each of the sessions last time: session 1, session 2, session 3, session 4). It's time yet again to hear from the prophets, apostles, seers and revelators and other auxiliary leaders in the church. We get to hear what is is God wants us to know and remember and do.

In the Ensign of September 2011, there is a First Presidency message entitled: "General Conference–No Ordinary Blessing." President Dieter F. Uchtdorf listed "three basic concepts that may help us to better receive, remember, and apply the words spoken by the Lord’s servants."

1. Members of the Church are entitled to personal revelation as they listen to and study the inspired words spoken at general conference.
2. Don’t discount a message merely because it sounds familiar.
3. The words spoken at general conference should be a compass that points the way for us during the coming months.

What have I learned in the 182nd Annual General Conference? General Conference is for the whole world, not just the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Fatherhood: Synthesis of Guidelines

In my Family Relations class, we've been obviously discussing family relations. In previous posts I've spoken about "Gender," "Date: It's Important," and "Women: Homemaker or Job/Career?" For one of my assignments I wrote a longish essay about my thoughts on fatherhood. Which I decided to share with you. I recommend reading if you have a lot of time or if you are really fascinated as I am by this topic:

Recently, I’ve heard a lot more about fatherhood. I’ve noticed the push towards defining what fatherhood is. I hear a lot more about men’s rights versus woman’s rights. Especially since the “Great Recession” that arrived while I was still in high school. Men and women alike were being laid off of jobs. Many families I know intimately had both the mom and dad working outside of the home. When the recession occurred, I noticed that many of the women had kept their jobs while the men lost theres. Suddenly there seemed to be a reversal of roles within my friend’s lives. Fathers began spending much more time at home. They really began to know their children on a daily bases. They discovered they enjoyed it immensely, knowing their children and becoming a part of their everyday lives. I believe this happened all over the country. In my opinion, this was a great push to define “fatherhood” and hammer out the rights that men have as fathers. In the 50’s the perfect family lived in the suburbs with a white picket fence, the children going off to school, the husband always working and relaxing at home, while the wife took care of everything in the home, including the people in it. Since then, there’s been such a push for equality for the women, much of it happening before I was born, but constantly referred to. I believe it was a reaction to the 50’s ideal of the perfect family. However, I believe the fatherhood movement is also reaction against the social expectation that has evolved since industrialization and the 50’s perfect family. Husbands are to provide for their families, but fathers are also to be fathers. The world is currently trying to figure out what that is. The world is beginning to recognize a father’s importance society because of their role in their children’s lives; they help raise confident, strong, healthy children that will someday become adults and be contributing to society and it’s next generation.

Communication: Councils

Yesterday, I spoke about Symbolic Interactions and Listening. Today, I'm speaking about Councils.

Councils. They are meetings where people get together to discuss and plan how things should run.

Generally, in both politics and the business world, each council member has his or her own agenda they are trying to push forward. They're a bit biased. The ideal council would be where people of different backgrounds, different experiences, and different opinions gathered together often to truly and honestly discover the best things that should be doing and the best direction they should be headed.

However, even then each has his or her agenda thinking that their way is the right way.

Thus, you want a council where they are searching for the best of all the possibilities. Which means they have their opinions but they are open to change. The best councils don't compromise, they have a consensus at the end of the meeting. If there isn't a consensus then a decision hasn't been reached and it will be put off until the next meeting.

Communication: Symbolic Interactions and Listening

We are always communicating. Even when you're not talking you're communicating. What is communication? Communication is the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. When there is a miscommunication it means the conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings failed. Such a miscommunication happens for a variety of reasons, but one way it happens involves symbolic interactions. Every interaction we have is immersed in symbols.

Generally, a handshake means the deal is sealed, we have an agreement, hello, welcome. When someone doesn't give a handshake when you expect it, you may think the person is rude, doesn't want to shake your hand, or many other explanations in the negative. However, perhaps this individual just doesn't shake hands at all.

The handshake is an example of a symbolic interaction. Doing it or not doing it has meaning to each individual involved. But perhaps the meanings are not the same.

Marriage: The Institution of God

Originally for this blog post I was going to type something about social class in relation to families. However, I then stumbled upon the following video and I felt I had to say something about this.

I believe he's on to something. He has some truths in here.

The diagram to the right is something I've learned. When a husband and a wife are both striving for the goal of reaching Heavenly Father, striving to become closer to Him and His son, Jesus Christ, they automatically become closer to each other. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is what you should build your foundation on. A husband and a wife are partners.

Devotional with L. Tom Perry

One thing that's so great about attending BYU-Idaho is the wonderful spirit that resides here. Every week on Tuesday at 2:10, we have devotional in our year old BYU-Idaho Center. The speaker could be a faculty member, someone from BYU, or someone from the church. The talk is always centered around spiritual matters and our lives. It used to be that devotional would be held in the Hart building's gymnasium and broadcasted to the Taylor Chapel, the Hinckley Chapel, the Snow building, and the Kirkham building.

The BYU-Idaho Center was in the process of construction when I arrived here for my first semester in Winter 2010. I had never really been on that side of the campus because of all the construction until the following Sophomore year. The BYU-Idaho Center was dedicated December 17, 2010. My brother, who's on his mission right now, was able to attend that dedication. Apparently it was extraordinarily full. But you have to figure that President Henry B. Eyring, first counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as Elder Russell M. Nelson and Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles were all in attendance.

early to bed and EARLY TO RISE

Benjamin Franklins once said, "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

The First Sunrise since being home in California

I honestly wonder what his opinion on the effects of Jet Lag would be. I woke up at 1 in the morning. California time. I refused to wake up though when the sun was literally on the other side of the planet. 1 AM Cali time is 10 AM Swiss time. Which was normally the time I woke up while I was in Switzerland. But because I really am a California girl, I really love my sunshine. Waking up hours and hours before it even shines is not exciting. So I went back to bed. And kept waking up. And kept going back to bed. I gave up at about 4 this morning. I figured my sister was waking up in an hour anyways to go to seminary. Once she woke I could easily get up and finish my unpacking and such. Not that I even started unpacking last night. So I suppose it's more that I'm beginning to unpack.
Maybe I can use this horrible jet lag to my advantage. Because when you wake up at 4 in the morning and have no residue of tiredness, it sort've drives you crazy. So I'll attempt to wake up at 5 in the morning regularly and then go to sleep earlier. Ha! I have good intentions but in the long run I have absolutely no faith that I'll be able to keep it. But I'm going to try!

Ok, so you know that intense debate about bringing my backpack and laptop or packing it away? Well, there was something I learned that made the decision for me. If you have a laptop it is to be a carry on. Elsewise, the bag peoples get upset at you. Luckily enough I did not learn this through experience. But rather through other people who know these things because they read the rules or learned it through their unfortunate experience.

Yesterday was also the longest day of my life. Literally. I woke up at 7 AM Swiss time to get ready for the day and finish up packing. Then we left around 9.
The Zurich airport is awesome. You know how in America you go through security check at the very beginning? At this airport you check in your bag. You get your boarding pass. Then you walk around and you can shop or eat or whatever you'd like. Then only those with boarding passes move on. Once they check your boarding pass (and that's it) you go to the right wing of the airport. Because I was using Swiss Airlines I went to "E". Which meant that I had to take a little underground tram to get there. Once you arrive at your section, that's where they do the big security check. The line was really short because it wasn't every single person in the airport that'll be flying but rather every person that will be flying from "E". Then I arrived at my gate #23 and that's where they check your passport and boarding pass. Then off you go.

I really liked it. A lot.

However the flight was forever. It was about 11 hours long. And every hour and a half or so they brought out really delicious smelling food. Not only was it delicious smelling but also delicious tasting. So just as I was about to fall asleep, I'd smell it. And I wouldn't be able to fall asleep if my life depended on it. So I had maybe 3 hours of sleep total. When I landed at 4:20 PM Cali time, it was more like 1:20 AM. After getting through customs and picking up luggage, I was a tad exhausted. Luckily for me my parents and sister picked me up. So I hugged them. Thanked them. And got in the back seat and started chattering away. However by that point we were going from San Francisco to the California valley at 5 PM. That's rush hour. The trip that was supposed to take one and a half hours took three. And halfway through it we needed to pick up the other car that my mom and sister drove to meet up with my dad at work. And I was asked to drive home because of other's health reasons. Now, realize this. It's around 3 in the morning for me and I'm driving. My parents were a tad worried about this. But I had found reserves of energy and was chattering up a storm. I told my mother that if she would let me chatter and actually converse with me on the way home that I could accomplish such a feat. And I did. Arrived safely home.

When I came in the door I saw luggage in the living room either being packed or being unpacked. It was in one of those stages. And I was confused. I had my bag in my hand. I wasn't unpacking yet. Then the rest of my mind caught up with my thoughts and went, "Oh! Right! My brother is packing for his mission as he's leaving next week." Him packing really made it more real for me.

After that moment of being slow of thought I brought myself upstairs to see what my sister did with our room as she rearranged things. It was nice. But I was a bit tired to really appreciate it. Then I was informed that we were leaving to practice a song as a family that we are singing on Sunday for my brother's last Sunday with us for 2 years. Actually, it'll be the last time my family is all together for awhile. Because while one brother is gone on his mission, another brother leaves on his. And for me, a lot can happen in 4 years. It's kind've a big deal. But anyways, I didn't know the song and was sleeping where I stood.

As soon as we arrived home, we had prayers and I went and crashed. Because by that point it was almost 6 AM for me. Almost a full 24 hours. With 3 one hour naps total.

And now here I am. I'm home.

Foods You Thought could be Found Anywhere

When you think pure American food, what is it that you imagine?

Personally, I had always imagined any fastfood staple such has hamburgers, cheeseburgers, french fries and soda. I've also imagined pizza. I've even imagined Mexican food, but I soon realized that it's called Mexican food for a reason even though I practically grew up with it.

(Though the Swiss do have their Mexican restaurants here. Which certainly does not fit my perception of Switzerland.)

I've discovered a few things though.

Sliced bread is American. There is no such thing as sliced bread in Switzerland. Except for one exception.  They call it "Toast" in English. Why? Because it's bread especially made for the toaster. It's not used for anything else.

There is a very rare thing called Peanut Butter here. It's only been introduced to the grocery stores here within the past five years. So peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Totally American.

Brown sugar can only be found on American military bases. They don't have it anywhere else. So have a recipe that calls for brown sugar? You'd better have a lot in your food storage or you make it yourself. Here there is only sugar and raw sugar.

Hamburger buns and hotdog buns. Also another food item you have to really know where to look in which grocery stores to find. Oh, and remember me saying there is no such thing as store bought sliced bread? This applies to the hamburger and hotdog buns. You slice it yourself.

Sloppy joes. Doesn't exist here. Meat isn't supposed to be sweet.

However, hamburgers and cheeseburgers are made at certain restaurants. But I wouldn't recommend buying and eating any from anywhere other than McDonald's and Burger King. It's like drinking water thinking it's Sprite.

The Swiss have an addiction to soda and energy drinks. I truly wasn't expecting that. Though I was expecting their addiction to tea. Oh, and you know Starbucks? In the States it's more used for it's coffee. In Switzerland it's more used for it's tea.

But, the Swiss do have their awesome cheese that makes any recipe that calls for cheese that much richer. I had no idea cheese could have so much power in food! They also have their amazing rich chocolate that I adore. They have chocolate pudding, that is chocolate pudding. They have their chocolate bread. Which is in the picture on top of the toast bread. It's a croissant with a chocolate filling. Love those. They may not have really sweet cookies, but their bread and their chocolate makes up for that.

Another interesting thing to note is that in Switzerland it is very difficult to not get non-organic fresh fruits and veggies. I honestly didn't know the difference until I was told.

But to tell you the absolute truth? I'm loving the food here.

How to be a European

I've gathered much of this information from relatives or observations. I find it interesting. I love the European people. They are very nice, just with a different culture to get used to.

Number One: You are a people watcher. You sit at a bench or a table outside (or even inside) and you really focus and stare at people until you see them look around because your stare is so intense they can feel it. Though that's just the foreigners that can feel it. After awhile you don't notice when you are being stared at. Currently, I can look outside and watch the older couple that live next door sit on their bench with their binoculars and look across the valley to the other mountains or the roads or I don't even know what. But Europeans like to watch.

Number Two: When you walk you don't smile. You especially don't smile to people you say hello to. But you do say hello or else it is like a slap in the face. But they think you are odd if you are smiling. Unless you're members of the church. They like to smile.

Number Three: If you wear a hat, it's part of your religion or you are very wealthy and you have an extremely attractive looking hat.

Number Four: School children all have the same uniformal backpack with different fabric. The schools expect the children to have all their different school supplies in the same place in every backpack.

Number Five: You bike. A lot. It doesn't matter what you are wearing, a business suit, a skirt, jeans, shorts, dresses, etc. You still bike.

Number Six: Children are to be well behaved. All the time. If they are not, then you feel extremely apologetic for your children.

Number Seven: You do not make lots of noise. You don't talk with a loud voice. Your laughter is even muted. You never yell.

Number Eight: You must be very fashionable. You wear expensive clothing. You do not wear PJ's or sweats in public which is anywhere outside the doors of where you live. You wear whatever fashion from any time period you want, but it must be expensive looking.

Number Nine: You know how to get from Point A to Point X without asking for directions or having a map or checking the schedules of the trains, buses, and trams. You know it by heart.

Number Ten: You must know at least three other languages. Not just know, but be very nearly fluent in all of them both in speech and writing.

Number Eleven: A one and a half hour trip to anywhere is classified as a very, very long ways.

Number Twelve: Owning a home is only for the very well-to-do families.

Number Thirteen: You find riding on the public transportation system with people in military dress carrying guns not very odd at all.

Number Fourteen: When you plan your vacations, you schedule and reserve places years in advance.

Number Fifteen: You are skinny.

Number Sixteen: You smoke and you don't mind it when others smoke right next to you either.

Number Seventeen: You own expensive, lovely cars and you drive fast.

Number Eighteen: You would never look for hotdog buns, hamburger buns, sliced bread, or peanut butter in the grocery store because the store doesn't stock them and you'd have no use for them anyways.

Number Nineteen: You have an assigned laundry day and time on that day.

Number Twenty: Do anything that could be considered work on Sunday will give you dirty looks. This includes any type of gardening.

Number Twenty-One: You only eat or make foods that are in season, because you won't be getting any food that is made out of season.

Number Twenty-Two: Drinking alcohol and tea is a cultural thing, and you are extremely rude to refuse. Unless you have a very good reason not to.