Communication: Councils

Yesterday, I spoke about Symbolic Interactions and Listening. Today, I'm speaking about Councils.

Councils. They are meetings where people get together to discuss and plan how things should run.

Generally, in both politics and the business world, each council member has his or her own agenda they are trying to push forward. They're a bit biased. The ideal council would be where people of different backgrounds, different experiences, and different opinions gathered together often to truly and honestly discover the best things that should be doing and the best direction they should be headed.

However, even then each has his or her agenda thinking that their way is the right way.

Thus, you want a council where they are searching for the best of all the possibilities. Which means they have their opinions but they are open to change. The best councils don't compromise, they have a consensus at the end of the meeting. If there isn't a consensus then a decision hasn't been reached and it will be put off until the next meeting.


In this type of council, every individual will express their doubts openly. They will express their opinions and ideas. Every single person will speak.

Here's how the General Authorities of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints hold councils:

There are also two talks given by Elder M. Russell Ballard: Strength in Counsel, Counseling with Our Councils.

What does this have to do with communication and families?

Really. Think about it.


The council of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles meet once a week in the temple. They arrive several minutes early so they may ask how families are doing, how life is going, etc. Then they have their meetings. At the end, they share pie or chocolate or something. This is their format for councils:

1. Express love and appreciation
2. Prayer
3. Discuss to consensus
4. Prayer
5. Express love and appreciation

You see that? Do you see how this can be applied to families and communication yet?

First, they meet once a week. There's a set time. They know there is a time to bring up the concerns they may have. They can bring them up in the meeting rather than trying to figure out another time. As a result, they solve smaller problems weekly so the larger problems are not as frequent.

Second, they meet in a sacred place, where distractions won't interfere. It doesn't have to be a sacred place for families and individuals to council together. But there should be a place decided upon that's more private. A place where people aren't likely to interrupt. A place where you know to turn off your phone and not be connected to media, so you can focus 100% on the council's agenda.

Third, they spend several minutes connecting. They express their love and appreciation by asking how they and their families are doing. It invites the Spirit. It invites open and soften hearts. It helps to create a sense that even though they have differing opinions, they love and appreciate each other and are open to change.

Fourth, they pray. They vocally invite the Spirit to their meeting. They invite inspiration and God's will to be made manifest. It begins the meeting and discussion on the right foot.

Fifth, they discuss to consensus. They don't compromise. They all agree. They are looking for the Lord's will. They are looking for the best way. They are looking for truth. Of course, each has his opinion. But they will go around the room over and over again until everyone has had a chance to openly speak his opinions and doubts and suggestions. They listen. They discuss. When a consensus is made, it is made. They all agree. Sometimes the decision will be confirmed by the Spirit immediately, sometimes after they move forward in faith. But it will sit well with everyone. There won't be any more doubts when they decide. They have a consensus. They are open to change. They are searching for the best way, the Lord's will. They don't have their own agenda. It's not him vs him. It's him and him. They're a team. Not opposing sides.

Sixth, they pray. They thank God. They ask for confirmation. They close the meeting in prayer.

Seventh, they eat something sweet together. In doing so, they chat to one another. Reaffirming their love and appreciation. Especially when they may have had differing opinions in the meeting even though they arrived at a consensus. It helps to make sure that everyone knows they love and appreciate each other, even if they hadn't agreed until they did. (I have a theory that this is where the dessert at the end of events such as Family Home Evening, Mutual, etc in Mormon culture came from.)

Can you see how a couple can use these steps in a family? How they can have effective family councils? Can you imagine how helpful such a council could be in a relationship? Such a council could greatly benefit a family and their open communication.