Sundays with Two Little Boys

Having you husband work on Sundays and then taking the children to church by yourself for three hours is really hard. Maybe it'd be easier if the children were older or if it wasn't during nap time or if we didn't have Sacrament meeting last. But it's really difficult. Luckily, I at least had the umbrella stroller for Child #2 (1 yr old). So during the second half of Sunday School, I walked the halls with him and he fell asleep right before Sacrament meeting. Then Child #1 (2 yrs) sat pretty still and played and ate. Until about the passing of the Sacrament. So I gave him my phone. I know, I know. I'm not supposed to give them technology. They could learn patience or creativity by being bored or whatever. But it's rough being by yourself. Anyways, then Child #2 woke up. He was good for awhile. and then he wasn't. So the last 10 minutes we spent in the foyer. Which was ROUGH. Child #1 kept running one way or another or outside. and Child #2 was crying. But we lasted until the end!

So church wasn't actually all that bad. I felt good with how it went. But then we got home. and Child #1 would not get out of the car. I was holding #2, but #1 wouldn't get out. But I couldn't put #2 down because, hello, snow everywhere and he's wearing socks. So that wasn't going to work. It seriously took 15 minutes to wrestle #1 out of the car, put his shoe back on, chase him through the parking lot (heart attack), and pull/carry him up the stairs. This is all with #2 in my arms! It was so so so so so stressful getting the boys (ahem, Child #1) inside.

Then he threw a tantrum and won't take a nap. So, whatever. He's watching Sesame Street. He's not crying. He's counting and saying numbers. Meanwhile his brother is taking a nap. At least that much right? and I even ate a filling lunch (taco soup leftovers). ME. I ate a filling lunch. That almost never, ever happens anymore. Because you know, two children who want to eat everything I have. Dorks.

I do love them.

I love Sundays.

I love going to church.

I'm glad my husband is providing for us.

It's rough, difficult and hard sometimes though.

But I DID IT!

I'm teaching my children the importance of Sunday. That we're going to church. That we need to sit quietly and play quietly during the Sacrament meetings. That partaking of the Sacrament is very important. I even studied for the lessons even if I didn't get to participate as much as I'd have liked.

So go me and my mom skills.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6.

What to Bring for Labor

In just a few weeks, I should be holding my second baby boy in my arms. As such, the whole idea that I'm actually giving birth again has officially sunk in and likes to freak me out. To manage the concept of being a mother to two boys under the age of two, I've been making lists and over-preparing and in general, making my husband worry more than me.

I've been thinking of my last labor, delivery, and recovery hospital visit and came up with a more in depth list as to what I need to bring and why. Hopefully, this will be helpful to some of you.

Camera. Make sure you bring one and make sure it's charged before you go. Bring the charger too as you'll probably take so many photos of your new little one, the battery life will be short. Doesn't matter much in my opinion if it's a phone camera or a more professional one, just make sure you bring one.

My Baby Boy and I

Comfy Bedding for Husband. We own a memory foam mattress topper for a twin bed. It's hardly ever used at the moment, but we brought it with us to the hospital along with sheets, cover, and pillow, and my sweet husband was able to comfortably sleep on the chair beds the hospital provided. Granted, he only slept when I was asleep, but he was able to actually get sleep. Mom's need husbands who have had a good night's rest.

Toiletries. Shampoo, conditioner, hairbrush, hair ties, makeup, face wash, body wash, razor, etc. You will be able to take a shower after giving birth. Having these toiletries makes you feel human again after going through an incredible feat. Plus, you can then look nice for pictures and feel nicer even when you are sore everywhere.

Adult Disposable Underwear/Diapers. Sounds weird. I know. But they save you. You just had the most insane period ever. You will be recovering for a while. The hospital usually will provide huge giant pads, but this way you don't have to worry about leaking so much. Plus, they can better hold cooling pads. Better to heal with especially if you had stitches. Just bring some.

Comfy Clothing. You are not required to wear the hospital gown while recovering. Bring a couple of comfy shirts you can nurse in (button-up PJ shirt or nursing shirt) and loose, comfy bottoms that you could have worn in your 2nd trimester. You won't go back to your former size immediately after giving birth, so don't pack skinny jeans. You could also bring a robe to wear. Bring some slippers or sandals too, you might be more swollen after giving birth than before due to pushing a child out of you, so walking the halls to a nice, wonderful jacuzzi tub would be easier in sandals.

Nursing Supplies. For women who plan to nurse, bring nursing bras, nursing breast pads, and your nursing pillow. Nursing can be kinda hard to get a handle on. It helps to have everything you need to make it easier. Took my first child and me about 3 weeks to figure it all out, so I'd also recommend bringing an electric breast pump and bottles. They aren't necessary, but when you're really struggling with the latching and feeding, you can at least pump to encourage milk supply and feed your child the 'liquid gold' that's only there at the beginning of your child's life. I'd really invest in an electric pump, not a hand pump. My hands about fell off with how much hand pumping I needed to do. Bring lanolin cream for your breasts as well, they'll be sore.

Baby Hand Mittens
BedBath&Beyond.com

For Baby. Of course, bring the cute outfit for going home in, but bring them in a couple of different sizes: pre-term, newborn, 0-3 month. My son was born 9 lbs, so he only fit in the newborn size for about 2 weeks before he outgrow them. You're never sure how big he'll be until he's arrived. Bring some baby blankets too. I'd also highly recommend to bring baby hand mittens and baby fingernail clippers. Your child will be born with fingernails. They will accidentally scratch themselves unless their hands are swaddled in blankets. It also will help prevent your baby getting sick from people playing with his hands and then having your child put that hand into his mouth. Bring your child's baby book! You can ask the nurses to help get the baby's hand and foot prints. Make sure you bring the infant carseat. You will not be allowed to take your child home unless you have one.

Entertainment. Bring your laptop, a book, card game, or something. You'll be recovering for a couple of days and have some downtime.

Snacks. I was always hungry in the middle of the night. While the hospital food was amazing (seriously), the cafeteria isn't open in the middle of the night. I wasn't allowed to eat during labor (which lasted at least 12 hours), and right after you don't always feel like eating a lot either. I was starving by the time my first breakfast arrived. Your husband will probably be hungry too. Our hospital had a snack bar in the hallway stocked full of yummy snacks. However, sometimes the snacks were all gone because all the other couples grabbed some too. Make sure you bring snacks.

Other Advice. You don't need to bring diapers and wipes for your little one, as they usually provide those while you are in the hospital. Our hospital will leave the child with the parents unless otherwise requested, then they'll bring the child in for feedings. While some mothers want to be near their newborn 24/7, I personally recommend you request for the nurses to take your child at night. Not during the day, just at night. They will still wake you up and bring your child in to eat every 2 hours. But you're in the hospital to recover as much as you possibly can, in my opinion, that means actual sleep rather than being woken up from a restless baby who doesn't actually need to be feed yet, but you aren't sure. The more you're able to recover, the more you will be able to be there for your child when you are the only one there. You can trust the nurses, they know how to take care of newborns; it is their job, so you can rest easy. Check your hospital's website for any other advice they have on to what to bring or not bring to make your stay comfortable for all of you.

The Doctrine of the Salvation of Little Children

"Jesus loves and blesses children. They are the companions of angels. They shall be saved. Of such is the kingdom of Heaven" (Bruce R. McConkie)

My greatest fears and worries are not being able to have children, having miscarriages and stillbirths, and experiencing a death of a child. I believe those are worries all potential mothers have. I'm surrounded by young couples who are building and strengthening their marriage, pregnant, and with children. However, there are several who have, at this young age, suffered loss of children already.

What comfort can we receive and give to those that worry about and experience such a terrible loss?

Keeping the Marriage Strong: Transition from Childless to a House Full

The transition between being married and having no children to then having children is a big one. One young mother of two I interviewed said, “It is the hardest transition you will ever go through. Much harder than from single to married.” The concept of bringing little children into the world, raising and supporting them, teaching them how to be productive members of society and return to our Father in Heaven, causes me to stress and worry. I am already nervous about such a big transition. The responses from parents I interview truly helped me gain advice and counsel that can help me prepare for that new stage of life. I hope that it can help you too. I interviewed four individuals: my mother, my father, and three young mothers. If you have any other advice or answers to these questions, comment!

Date: Love Map 20 Questions Game

As a Marriage and Family Studies Major, we study dating, marriage, and families a lot. As such, I end up taking a lot of classes with the titles of "Family Stress and Coping" or "Parenting" and even "Family Theories and Dynamics." This semester I'm taking a class entitled "Marriage." One of the reading materials for the class is John M. Gottman's (and Nan Silver's) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert.

I truly love this book. The basic premis is that a successful marriage should be based on a foundation of friendship. With that in mind, the books has seven principles to strengthen that friendship; things married couples should do.

At the end of the chapter, the book has certain activities (exercises) for couples to do together that would strengthen the underlined friendship. They're perfect things to do on a date.

The first is: Love Map 20 Questions Game. As a couple, you can do this during your date. It's so the couple can get to know each other better. People change. If you're not paying attention you could find yourself married to a stranger. This game helps you so you can always be updated with each other.

Dating Advice for Guys

Being a girl, married and majoring in Marriage and Family Studies, I've been asked by guys for advice on dating. Before anyone reads any further there are a few things to mention.

Rule #1: I do not know everything. I'd like to. Sometimes I'd like to think I do. But I don't. My advice is only that, advice and opinion. I'd like to think that my advice counts for a little more because I am a girl, married and majoring in Marriage and Family Studies, but honestly, I'm just giving advice that you can choose to follow or not and I have no idea what harm or good it will actually do for each date.

Rule #2: Girls are crazy. While it's relatively accepted that men will be men (though should still be respected by women), you have to recognize that girls are crazy. The level of crazy is varied. But we are. I can't predict everything that girls will or will not do. Remember, I don't know everything.

Now onto the questions. If you have comments or more questions, please comment at the end of this post. I'd really like to hear other's thoughts on these questions or what else people would like to know.

A Girl's Lesson: The Worth of Men

"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Female and Male. I'm an advocate for both. I believe in equal opportunity and being equal in our differences. We are all God's children and posses our individual right to choose good from bad; as such, we are all equal before God regardless of gender, of physical or mental difficulties, of nationality, of heritage, etc.

Men are taught to respect women, to charish them, to protect them. Many people of the world, sadly, think that such a man who takes his divine responsibilities seriously–presiding in love and righteousness  and providing the necessities of life and protection–are rare. They think that men who are courteous and kind, helpful and serviceable are either trying to be self-serving or deceiving. I want to share with you that I have met men who are genuinely caring, sacrificing, and responsible.

Principles of a Successful Marriage and Family

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The other day, I was wondering if my little family consisting of my husband and myself have implemented the principles mentioned in the above quote. Do we have habits fostering these principles?

Family Mission Statement

A Family Mission Statement is "a written statement of what you want your life and family to be and the values by which you will live your life" (Families with a Purpose).

I've been learning about this in my online Parenting class. One of my assignments required me to write one for myself, or with my husband if I was married. Obviously I am. So for Family Home Evening we began work on a rough draft.

A family mission statement involves the whole family in its creation which means that the whole family has a clear knowledge of what the family values and what the family's goal is. Ideally this means the whole family works together for the goal.

Advice To Fiancées

I'm getting married in 22 days. As I'm sure many of you that are married or engaged have realized, the wedding date is very apt at sneaking upon you like a lightening-fast ninja. I've been blessed enough in my own life to have had a little over three months from the moment I was engaged to the date of our wedding.

In my engagement time period, I've had numerous friends who have also gotten engaged or are on the verge of doing so. Having friends riding in a parallel engagement boat as you is a relief; my own little support group. That's what I think the world needs, support groups for fiancées and fiancés. It's helped so much. Each couple have discovered knowledge and tips about the process of getting married and share it so we all benefit. It works especially well when all the couples are in the same location during the engagement, even if they are getting married in different states.

You know how I mentioned that I have friends at the very beginning stages of being engaged? Well, these friends are starting to freak out (totally reasonable) and know that since I was a totally rational person during my own engagement (not), I've found they've come to me for information and wisdom, as if I knew all there is to know about being engaged.

Let me warn you now that I am no such source. Yes, I have definite experience in this area, but only for myself. I have no idea how helpful it would be to others. While this information will hopefully be helpful to all brides-to-be, it's more towards brides-to-be that are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But I'll share with you what I've discovered in hopes that it helps.

Raising our Children in Zion

If you could create the most perfect community to raise your children in, what qualities and values would such a community have?

Zion refers to a couple of different things. Mostly it's the "pure in heart" or where the pure in heart reside. "Therefore, verily, thus saith the Lord, let Zion rejoice, for this is Zion—the pure in heart; therefore, let Zion rejoice, while all the wicked shall mourn" (Doctrine and Covenants 97:21).

The Lord calls his people Zion "because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them” (Moses 7:18).

Remember the City of Enoch? In Genesis it reads:"And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him" (Genesis 5:24).

Domains of Child Development

This semester I am taking a Child Development class for my Marriage and Family Studies major. I'll be learning a lot in the class and I hope to be able to post some of the more interesting things I've learned.

There are three domains of child development that we have gone over:

1. Biosocial Development – includes all the growth and change that occur in a person's body and the genetic, nutritional and health factors that affect growth and change.
2. Cognitive Development – includes all the mental processes that a person uses to obtain knowledge or to think about the environment (perception, imagination, judgment, memory, language).
3. Psychosocial Development – includes development of emotions, temperament and social skills.

Marriage: Covenant or Simple Contract?

Some interesting things I learned in my Family Relations class:

Covenant: a superior party draws up the contract and you accept the contact or not. There would be benefits to keeping it and consequences for not. It requires each person to keep their individual contract to the superior party.

Contract: is simply a written or spoken agreement between husband and wife and there are no longer penalties.

This difference results in an "easier" divorce and causes people to treat marriage differently. Alos, marriage is more uncertain. Marriage is already an act of faith, but now there are more factors that can cause divorce. As a result, many men and women aren't fully preparing for marriage, they're preparing for the "just in case" of divorce.

President Spencer W. Kimball said:

"Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations" ("Oneness in Marriage").

How grateful I am for the gospel and for the truths I have been raised with. For the knowledge I have that a marriage can last more than a few years, more than just a lifetime, but that marriage can last for eternity. You treat marriage and who you marry to much more seriously.

What They Need: Contact and Belonging

You've known the people who do crazy things to get attention; attention that isn't usually positive.  Where their actions just drive people away, not because the person's a bad person, but because the individual is annoying or socially awkward. Generally, others ignore him until a point when he does something that is the "last straw" which causes interaction, usually negative.

Why do they do this?

Human beings have a need; a need to have contact with others and to belong.

We all need a role, a place where we feel we are contributing and a somebody. Some individuals create a role for themselves that isn't always healthy. For example, the child that is labeled the clown or the mischievous one will live to that expectation. It's their role; a role that's really hard to move from.

We all need to have contact with each other. In the extreme case of people in solitary confinement, they pretty much go a bit insane. There's a lot that happens. Carly Frintner wrote a paper entitled "Lonely Madness: The Effects of Solitary Confinement and Social Isolation on Mental and Emotional Health" that speaks more in depth about it. But we starve for contact whether it's eye-contact, physical contact, emotional connection or others.

Alma 45

Alma the younger was near the end of his ministry and goes to his son Helaman asking him:

"Believest thou the words which I spake concerning those records which have been kept? (Alma 45:2).
"Believest thou in Jesus Christ, who shall come?" (4).
"Will ye keep my commandments?"(6).

Helaman's responses were extremely positive:

"Yea, I believe" (3).
"Yea, I believe all the words which thou has spoken" (5).
"Yea, I will keep thy commandments with all my heart" (7).

Alma then said: "Blessed art thou; and the Lord shall prosper thee in this land" (8).

Elder Carlos E. Asay shared this as an example for what parent-child interviews should be like:

"I wonder if our interviews with our children are as inspirational and building as the one between Alma and Helaman. I find it significant that the father came to the son; the son was not summoned to stand inspection or to give a report. I find it refreshing that the conversation was direct and without any verbal sparring; it was not labored or rehearsed. I find it exemplary that commitment was drawn without prying, wringing, or pressuring. And I find it most beautiful that the father concluded with a tender blessing. . . .

"I do see great wisdom in the practices and performances which we encourage parents to follow in the Church. There is virtue in sponsoring family home evenings; in conducting family prayers, as Elder Perry has mentioned; in giving father’s blessings; and in holding parent-child interviews. All of these are important and have their place. However, the participation in such performances and the reporting of such activity must not become the end. They are means of involving, means of teaching, and means of blessing people. All should be engaged in for the purpose of saving and exalting souls" ("Parent-Child Interviews").

I think this is important for parents, and families, to remember. Parent-child interviews blesses a family. It builds a relationship between parent and child and helps parents better guide their children on a path of happiness.

Alma 44

I noticed something while reading Alma 44. I noticed it probably because of my Family Relations class and the recent focus we've had on men and women and their characteristics as well as their divine role.

Captain Moroni and his men fought for liberty and for the right to worship as well as for their wives and children. They fought in defense of their lands, houses, wives, children, rights and privileges, and their liberty that they might worship God according to their desires (Alma 43:9). In my history classes previously, I've learned that those armies who are fighting on their home turf in defense of those same things, generally do better than the opposing and intruding army usually anticipates.

Then after Captain Moroni and his men surrounded the Lamanities, he didn't actually want to kill them, so he said:

"And now, Zerahemnah, I command you, in the name of that all-powerful God, who has strengthened our arms that we have gained power over you, by our faith, by our religion, and by our rites of worship, and by our church, and by the sacred support which we owe to our wives and our children, by that liberty which binds us to our lands and our country; yea, and also by the maintenance of the sacred word of God, to which we owe all our happiness; and by all that is most dear unto us—" (Alma 44:5, emphasis added).

The Family: A Proclamation to the World reads: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families."

Fathers by divine design are to preside, provide, and protect.

When fathers are doing their best to fulfill their responsibilities they will be blessed. Captain Moroni not only sought counsel from the prophet and followed it. He not only was a brillant strategist. He was fighting for the things God would wish we fought for.

God had strengthened their arms by the sacred support which they owed to their wives and their children.

If a father does his best to fulfill their divine responsibilities, they will be blessed and strengthened. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be the best he can give.

That's what I noticed in this chapter that really spoke to me this time around.

Fatherhood: Synthesis of Guidelines

In my Family Relations class, we've been obviously discussing family relations. In previous posts I've spoken about "Gender," "Date: It's Important," and "Women: Homemaker or Job/Career?" For one of my assignments I wrote a longish essay about my thoughts on fatherhood. Which I decided to share with you. I recommend reading if you have a lot of time or if you are really fascinated as I am by this topic:

Recently, I’ve heard a lot more about fatherhood. I’ve noticed the push towards defining what fatherhood is. I hear a lot more about men’s rights versus woman’s rights. Especially since the “Great Recession” that arrived while I was still in high school. Men and women alike were being laid off of jobs. Many families I know intimately had both the mom and dad working outside of the home. When the recession occurred, I noticed that many of the women had kept their jobs while the men lost theres. Suddenly there seemed to be a reversal of roles within my friend’s lives. Fathers began spending much more time at home. They really began to know their children on a daily bases. They discovered they enjoyed it immensely, knowing their children and becoming a part of their everyday lives. I believe this happened all over the country. In my opinion, this was a great push to define “fatherhood” and hammer out the rights that men have as fathers. In the 50’s the perfect family lived in the suburbs with a white picket fence, the children going off to school, the husband always working and relaxing at home, while the wife took care of everything in the home, including the people in it. Since then, there’s been such a push for equality for the women, much of it happening before I was born, but constantly referred to. I believe it was a reaction to the 50’s ideal of the perfect family. However, I believe the fatherhood movement is also reaction against the social expectation that has evolved since industrialization and the 50’s perfect family. Husbands are to provide for their families, but fathers are also to be fathers. The world is currently trying to figure out what that is. The world is beginning to recognize a father’s importance society because of their role in their children’s lives; they help raise confident, strong, healthy children that will someday become adults and be contributing to society and it’s next generation.

Women: Homemaker or Job/Career?

Throughout time, husband and wife have been a team and have provided together. God said to Adam, "Cursed is the ground for thy sake" (Genesis 3:17; Moses 4:23).

The ground was cursed for Adam's sake. Adam now had responsibilities to fulfill and lessons to learn from fulfilling them. In my post "Date: It's Important," I shared what the men's responsibilities are and how dating helps prepare them and perfect them in fulfilling their responsibilities.

Now what are the women supposed to do?

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it mentions: "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

Does this mean mothers are supposed to be stay-at-home moms or homemakers?

Communication: Councils

Yesterday, I spoke about Symbolic Interactions and Listening. Today, I'm speaking about Councils.

Councils. They are meetings where people get together to discuss and plan how things should run.

Generally, in both politics and the business world, each council member has his or her own agenda they are trying to push forward. They're a bit biased. The ideal council would be where people of different backgrounds, different experiences, and different opinions gathered together often to truly and honestly discover the best things that should be doing and the best direction they should be headed.

However, even then each has his or her agenda thinking that their way is the right way.

Thus, you want a council where they are searching for the best of all the possibilities. Which means they have their opinions but they are open to change. The best councils don't compromise, they have a consensus at the end of the meeting. If there isn't a consensus then a decision hasn't been reached and it will be put off until the next meeting.

Communication: Symbolic Interactions and Listening

We are always communicating. Even when you're not talking you're communicating. What is communication? Communication is the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. When there is a miscommunication it means the conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings failed. Such a miscommunication happens for a variety of reasons, but one way it happens involves symbolic interactions. Every interaction we have is immersed in symbols.

Generally, a handshake means the deal is sealed, we have an agreement, hello, welcome. When someone doesn't give a handshake when you expect it, you may think the person is rude, doesn't want to shake your hand, or many other explanations in the negative. However, perhaps this individual just doesn't shake hands at all.

The handshake is an example of a symbolic interaction. Doing it or not doing it has meaning to each individual involved. But perhaps the meanings are not the same.