Communication: Symbolic Interactions and Listening

We are always communicating. Even when you're not talking you're communicating. What is communication? Communication is the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. When there is a miscommunication it means the conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings failed. Such a miscommunication happens for a variety of reasons, but one way it happens involves symbolic interactions. Every interaction we have is immersed in symbols.

Generally, a handshake means the deal is sealed, we have an agreement, hello, welcome. When someone doesn't give a handshake when you expect it, you may think the person is rude, doesn't want to shake your hand, or many other explanations in the negative. However, perhaps this individual just doesn't shake hands at all.

The handshake is an example of a symbolic interaction. Doing it or not doing it has meaning to each individual involved. But perhaps the meanings are not the same.


Imagine a couple with a sink of dishes to wash. The husband sees this and cleans it. To him such an action shows he loves his wife and is trying to help. Imagine then the wife walking into the kitchen seeing the dishes all clean. She may think that he's sweet for helping. Now imagine this happening off and on for two weeks. The woman may begin to think that he's criticizing her. He's only washing the dishes to help because he loves her. But she's begun to interpret the actions as if he believes she doesn't clean them right, or fast enough. She begins to become upset at him. He's totally oblivious.

This is a form of miscommunication. To the husband the act of cleaning the dishes meant he loved her. To the wife, that message was sent through the first few times. However, the continued act of him dong the dishes began to mean something different to her. It began to mean she wasn't appreciated and couldn't do it right. The correct message was not communicated.

When people communicate, especially a couple, you have to be aware of what different things mean to different people in different contexts. Just think of the word love. There's a girl saying to her girlfriends, I love you. There's a girl telling her boyfriend, I love you. There's a girl saying, I love ice cream! pink! dogs! sleeping! etc. The word itself covers a lot of meanings. Then there's how it was said: sarcastically? joyfully? seriously? loud? whispered?

Both the spoken language and the nonverbal communications contain symbols that mean something to one person and something to another. Successful communication happens when the symbols mean the same thing to both parties. Miscommunication happens when they don't mean the same thing.

When a couple is getting used to one another, generally they are figuring our their own language. What each symbol in speech or nonverbal interaction means to them as a couple. For successful communication it needs to be clear. If it's not clear, make it clear. Ask if your interpretation of what they are saying is correct. Ask for their interpretation of what you just said, and try to communicate again if they didn't understand.

You want clear communication, you don't want to misunderstand or be misunderstood. Being a great and excellent listener is a part of that. I've mention it awhile ago in a former post, but listening, I believe, is one of the most underdeveloped talents we have. I wrote:

We all wish to be heard, but not many want to listen. We think that being listened to is so much more important. It means that we are a somebody. Someone who people like. We want people to know us. However, I think that in listening comes the greater power. 

As we listen, we become better at helping each other. We know what to give people for Christmas without ever asking. We become someone that people rely on. We can be trusted. We can help make people's lives better in small ways.

Being a great listener creates wonderful communication. As a listener you are trying to decode the messages sent through symbolic interactions. An excellent listener tries to decode it correctly and understand it. They take the responsibility seriously. They don't fake listening. They don't respond in ways that they think will please the speaker. They don't interrupt. They aren't concerned with their own status in the eyes of the speaker. They don't only pay attention to the words and ignore the nonverbal cues. They try to understand. They will ask questions until they are sure they do understand what the other is trying to say. They will say aloud what they think the other is trying to say to give an opportunity to the speaker to correct them or confirm.

Being an excellent listener is a great and mighty talent. I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father's figured this out. He listens to us all the time. He wants us to speak to him. He also wants us to sit back and listen to him. The way we communicate with others should parellel how we communicate with God.

Update: On Saturday, I wrote the second part Communication: Councils.