Crisis in Life

This is the simplified Chinese word for crisis. It's basically a combination of the words "danger" and "crucial point" ("Chinese words for 'crisis'"). Having crises in your life, either for a family or individual, can either strengthen or tear relationships apart. But it depends on the overall experience on whether it adds to the things that tears people apart.

The above is the ABC's of a crisis. In my own family, here's a simple example that helps illustrate this process.


When I was younger, our van would often break down on the way to visit family in either Oregon or Utah. We wouldn't break down all the time. But I remember most every time we did break down because they were strengthening experiences for us. My mom would have us think of such an even as an adventure. The term adventure has a positive connotation, especially for a child. Thus, instead of complaining or arguing, we'd be all excited about such misfortunes in our travels. Such a response and attitude of thinking carried over to cover everything that doesn't happen according to plan, such as getting lost, or running our of gas, or being stuck in non-moving traffic for hours on end.

The Actual Event would be our car breaking down sometime during the 12 hour drive (and later the other things that don't happen according to plan). The Behavioral Responses are excitement and perseverance because our Cognition or Thoughts about the Actual Event are a positive "adventure." As a result, the experience wasn't too overwhelming for our family. While for others it could just add on to the family stresses and pressures and could be some determining factor.

Ineffective coping patterns would be denial, avoidance or scapegoating. If the members of my family had done any of those in the middle of our breaking down, it wouldn't have been effective. Nothing would have gotten done and a lot of harm and hurt would have resulted. Effective coping comes from taking responsibility, affirm your own and your family's worth, balance self-concern with other-concern, learning the art of reframing, and finding and using available resources. Taking responsibility doesn't mean it was your fault. It means you are responsible. For example, my dad took responsibility for our van breaking down. It didn't mean that something he did caused it to break down or he purposely did it, it means he had the responsibility to take care of us and get it fixed. We moved forward because of that. He knew that both himself and we were important and we could get through it together. He was concerned with his own welfare in this endeavor, but he was obviously worried for his family too. He didn't say, Oh woe is me! This is horrible! I can't believe it! etc. He reframed from voicing possible thoughts he had to keep our own thoughts positive. He found and used available resources by using a phone book and contacting the bishop of the area as well as finding tow services and a car mechanic. That was an effective way of dealing with such a crisis.

These patterns can be used in all types of crises. It doesn't have to just be a simple breaking down. It could be a death of a child, or loss of home. It could be a loss of work, lack of sufficient income. But knowing how to think of the event and how you'll respond, if you'll use effective coping patterns or not, consciously thinking of how you'll face your crises will help you overcome them.