Keeping the Marriage Strong: Transition from Childless to a House Full

The transition between being married and having no children to then having children is a big one. One young mother of two I interviewed said, “It is the hardest transition you will ever go through. Much harder than from single to married.” The concept of bringing little children into the world, raising and supporting them, teaching them how to be productive members of society and return to our Father in Heaven, causes me to stress and worry. I am already nervous about such a big transition. The responses from parents I interview truly helped me gain advice and counsel that can help me prepare for that new stage of life. I hope that it can help you too. I interviewed four individuals: my mother, my father, and three young mothers. If you have any other advice or answers to these questions, comment!

Date: Love Map 20 Questions Game

As a Marriage and Family Studies Major, we study dating, marriage, and families a lot. As such, I end up taking a lot of classes with the titles of "Family Stress and Coping" or "Parenting" and even "Family Theories and Dynamics." This semester I'm taking a class entitled "Marriage." One of the reading materials for the class is John M. Gottman's (and Nan Silver's) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert.

I truly love this book. The basic premis is that a successful marriage should be based on a foundation of friendship. With that in mind, the books has seven principles to strengthen that friendship; things married couples should do.

At the end of the chapter, the book has certain activities (exercises) for couples to do together that would strengthen the underlined friendship. They're perfect things to do on a date.

The first is: Love Map 20 Questions Game. As a couple, you can do this during your date. It's so the couple can get to know each other better. People change. If you're not paying attention you could find yourself married to a stranger. This game helps you so you can always be updated with each other.

Engaged: What to Register for?

My husband and I have almost been married for 6 months. In that time, we've been extremely grateful for our wedding gifts, but we realized that we missed a few things we really should have added to our registry. Since I have a few friends and relatives getting married soon, I just wanted to give a list of things to consider adding to the registry. Obviously, the wedding registry depends on the couple and their own personal needs and wants; not everything needs to be included and more could be added.

A few things to know before you register:

1. What colors you'd like in your home.
2. The size of your mattress.
3. What you both already have.

Past and Future

2012

Such a significant year for me where a lot of really great moments happened.

• BJ and I officially started dating in January.
• We both were blessed with wonderful friendships and roommates.
• BJ proposed April 12 during Spring Break.
• My soon-to-be-husband met most of my extended family on both my father's and mother's side.
• I met much of his extended family.
• August, we were married and sealed for all time and eternity in the Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple.
• August, I also saw Les Misérables for the first time at the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, Utah.
• We moved into our first home together August.
• My brother was able live nearby for a semester as he attended BYU-Idaho.
• In General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson announced that young women can serve missions at 19 years and young men at 18 years. My brother turned in his mission papers and was called to serve in the Utah Salt Lake City South Mission.
• BJ and I had our first Thanksgiving together and I cooked my first turkey!
• I experienced my first snow of the season (I'm a Cali girl. I used to only show up at school after it was also on the ground).
• BJ and I had our first Christmas together. We had our first Christmas tree. We made homemade ornaments. I cooked my first ham and with a perfect glaze, and created an altogether awesome first Christmas dinner.
• It was also my first White Christmas ever.

2013

This year, a lot of exciting things are going to occur! I'm so excited for them!

• My brother reports to the Provo MTC January 1st.
• The snow will eventually melt and the weather will eventually get warmer.
• I'll graduate BYU-Idaho.
• My husband and I will have our first anniversary.
• My brother-in-law will return from his mission in Southern California.
• My other brother, serving in the South Carolina Columbia Mission, will return home after two years on the other side of the country.

My husband and I have had a great year. We've gone a total of 5 days the entire year of not seeing each other for the whole day (it helps that he lived right across the parking lot and that Rexburg, ID is rather small). We survived the end of the world together. I have a partner in life aiming for the same goals for our family. I'll have him as my husband for eternity; we won't ever lose each other. We had a really blessed year.

We are looking forward to our first year together as a married couple. We are excited for every day and the gifts each day reveals to us. We are so blessed.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope you make it the best year yet.

A Girl's Lesson: The Worth of Men

"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Female and Male. I'm an advocate for both. I believe in equal opportunity and being equal in our differences. We are all God's children and posses our individual right to choose good from bad; as such, we are all equal before God regardless of gender, of physical or mental difficulties, of nationality, of heritage, etc.

Men are taught to respect women, to charish them, to protect them. Many people of the world, sadly, think that such a man who takes his divine responsibilities seriously–presiding in love and righteousness  and providing the necessities of life and protection–are rare. They think that men who are courteous and kind, helpful and serviceable are either trying to be self-serving or deceiving. I want to share with you that I have met men who are genuinely caring, sacrificing, and responsible.

Principles of a Successful Marriage and Family

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The other day, I was wondering if my little family consisting of my husband and myself have implemented the principles mentioned in the above quote. Do we have habits fostering these principles?

Gratitude Journal

This last Sunday in Relief Society we studied President Thomas S. Monson words in "Consider the Blessings" from this October 2012 General Conference. We were asked to consider the following questions:

• What are you grateful for? What are your blessings?
• What are the rewards you receive for recognizing your blessings?
• What are ways as a family we can be grateful?

I'd like to focus on my personal answers and for you to consider your own.

Family Mission Statement

A Family Mission Statement is "a written statement of what you want your life and family to be and the values by which you will live your life" (Families with a Purpose).

I've been learning about this in my online Parenting class. One of my assignments required me to write one for myself, or with my husband if I was married. Obviously I am. So for Family Home Evening we began work on a rough draft.

A family mission statement involves the whole family in its creation which means that the whole family has a clear knowledge of what the family values and what the family's goal is. Ideally this means the whole family works together for the goal.

Married: Now what?

I've given Advice To Fiancées and the Phase 2 of Wedding Letters: The Thank You Cards. But now that I'm finally married to a wonderful man and more settled into my life, I thought I would share a few things I've learned.

Before arriving at your home, make sure the utilities are on and working. It depends on the deal you have with the owners, if you are paying utilities yourself or not, but make sure the water, electricity, gas, and plumbing are on. Make sure you have garbage services as well. This way, when you arrive, you can get a drink of water and anything else as needed.

The first thing to do upon your arrival in your new home is to buy a new mattress. This way, if nothing else, you have a place to sleep at the end of your first day settling in. Hopefully, you and your spouse have already gone to different mattress stores to get an idea of what you wanted and how much it would cost. As newlyweds, you generally receive a nice amount of cash that could help purchase the mattress you desire. I would recommend looking at outlet stores where the mattresses are brand new, but have a random dent or something that cuts down the prices several hundred dollars.

You don't have to unpack everything immediately. Sometimes you don't have a place for things yet. For example, a dresser or hangers for your clothes. It's okay to still use your suitcase of stuff. Don't feel rushed. You'll get there. Just do what you can each day.

Phase 2 of Wedding Letters: The Thank You Cards

I've been working on Thank You cards in response to the wedding gifts my husband and I have received a few months ago. There has been a few things I realized while I've been working on them that I wish to share with those who aren't quite sure what to do for Thank You cards.

1. Don't rush. You want the person receiving the card to know how much you appreciate them and their gift. Time is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. Take time on each card. Don't try to get them done in a short amount of time.
2. Be sincere and honest. My husband and I loved all of our gifts. Occasionally we had duplicates of things, but we were so grateful to have too many than to not have one at all. When thanking the person for their gift, really mean it. Find something you love about every gift and mention it to the person who gave it to you. For example, "I just wanted to say how grateful we are for the colander you gave us! We've love using it for our pasta nights or quickly rising vegetables for a stew. Thank you so much." Don't make up a fake reason why you are thankful for it; it reads falsely, and you want to show your sincere thanks to someone.
3. Thank them for who they are, not just what they gave you. This takes longer, which is why time is valuable. It can be hard to know all of your guests. But call your parents and your in-laws. Ask them for some basic information on those you don't know. Mention your gratitude for their presence in your life, in your spouse's life, in your parents' lives, in your siblings' lives, and why. Thank them for always being cheerful. Or always having an open home. Or guiding you. Or being a wonderful example. Etc. Make it personal. Express your gratitude for them.
4. Handwrite them. It doesn't have to be much. Write three or four sentences. But write them by hand. It expresses more of the time you were willing to give to really thank them for what they gave you.

My favorite part of writing these cards is the response I receive from them. "I wanted to send her a thank you card for the thank you card." You can brighten someone's day if you take the time and opportunity. And that, well, it brightens your own.