Principles of a Successful Marriage and Family

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The other day, I was wondering if my little family consisting of my husband and myself have implemented the principles mentioned in the above quote. Do we have habits fostering these principles?

Faith. It's what we have when we act in obedience to God's commandments knowing that we will be okay and will be blessed. Everyone has trials throughout life. Trials don't go away. It's how you deal with them that matter. My husband and I as newlyweds have had our share of trials. We were stressed about providing for ourselves. We were worried about having his work schedule being on Sunday. Even with these worries, we went forward in faith and did what the best we could to find jobs, to keep the Sabbath day holy. After having going forth in faith, we were blessed miraculously with my husband receiving a good job and a great schedule. If you do all you can to do what is right, even when you can't imagine things working out, you will be blessed.

Prayer. It's communication to Heavenly Father from his children. My husband and I pray in gratitude for the things we have. We've been so blessed and we recognize that our Father in Heaven is that source. We thank him frequently; it really has kept us humble and aware of God's blessings. We pray also for help from our Father in Heaven. We need his help. "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them" ("Prayer"). Our Heavenly Father loves all his children; he wants to bless them. We pray for those blessings and in gratitude for such.

Repentance. It's a change of heart to become better. Every day I recommit to be better than I was the day before. Every day I recommit to be a better wife. Every day I recommit to progress in some small way. I know and trust that my husband also tries to be better today than yesterday. As we make small steps of progression, before we know it we are a much better individual.

Forgiveness. It's when the feelings of anger, resentment, animosity, annoyance, or other negative emotions are lifted. It is generally easier to forgive someone when you understand that the offender didn't mean to offend. It's almost a form of repentance to forgive in this case; you choose to take offense and now you are having a change of heart. It's hard to forgive; but I think it's harder when someone offends purposely. It's still important to forgive. Having this principle in a family relationship means that not only are you always forgiving but you are always seeking for forgiveness, too. I'm not a perfect person. I know that. I seek forgiveness as I try to correct my mistakes. I have to humble myself in order to see my mistakes and how I can be better.

Respect. It's when you treat someone based on admiration for who they inherently are; children of God. I respect my husband for who he is. I respect his admirable qualities. I admire his kindness. I respect his interests. I respect his time. I respect who he is. When we treat each other with respect, it is easier to seek repentance and forgiveness. It is easier to love one another. It is easier to not get upset or mad. It is easier to keep the Spirit in our home when we respect each other for our qualities and abilities and identity.

Love. My favorite definition of love comes from President Gordon B. Hinckley's book Faith: The essence of true religion:

"Love is the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is more than the end of the rainbow. Love is the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home; it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. How rich are those who enjoy it in their associations with family, friends, church, and neighbors. . . . love, like faith, is a gift of God."

It is important that families practice the principle of love in their lives. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. In it he says that we express love to each other in five different ways: (1) Words of Affirmation, (2) Acts of Service, (3) Receiving Gifts, (4) Quality Time, and (5) Physical Touch. It's important to speak to each other in your spouse's main love language, but it's important to speak your love through all of them.

Compassion. I asked myself how compassion is different than charity, love, forgiveness. It's different because it means doing all you can to make someone's life a little easier, even doing your best to lift their suffering by sharing it. If my husband isn't feeling well I get him medicine and soup. If I am stressed about something, my husband tries to ease it. We help make our meals together. We clean our home together. We help lift each other burdens, together.

Work. It is something done that takes effort but produces satisfaction. My husband has an actual job called work where he provides for us. I work hard to make a good home. We work hard to help each other. We work hard to support each other. We work hard to build and strengthen our relationship. We each have different strengthens and work together in different ways to make life run as smoothly as we can.

Wholesome Recreational Activities. In Strengthening Our Families: An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family edited by David C. Dollahite it lists four principles:

1. Wholesome recreation is not the same as idleness or aimless leisure.
2. Wholesome recreation is not just spontaneous play.
3. Wholesome recreation helps to establish family rituals that create bonding experiences.
4. Wholesome recreation needs to be balanced with our obligation.

We go on dates and will continue to throughout our lives. We have activities and get-togethers with our friends and relatives. We are creating holiday traditions. We have Family Home Evening. We spend time just sitting down on the couch together cuddling and chatting. We spend time reading books to each other. We spend time doing things together.

It's important to incorporate these principles in your families and marriages. I'm not perfect. But I can be daily improving myself and my relationships. I know from my personal experience that these principles will be effective in creating good families with great habits. I really recommend implementing them.