Family Dynamic Theories

There are four types of theories or explanations of how marriage and the family works that my Family Relations class studied in our textbook, Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy.

1. Systems Theory: focuses on social systems and how their interdependent parts maintain order. Or in other words, the different unspoken family rules your family has.
2. Exchange Theory: views social interaction as a cost-benefit analysis in which people try to keep their costs lower than their rewards. Instead of keeping track of exactly what's owed me, I expect to have my investment returned to me in some way in our continuing relationship.
3. Symbolic Interaction Theory: views humans as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. Different actions, words mean different things to separate individuals because of the way it was used in your family life; basically a difference in family cultures.
4. Conflict Theory: focuses on contradictory interests, inequalities, and the resulting conflict and change. People want or need different things that sometimes come into conflict, so compromises or arguments could result. 

My Family

I found that absolutely intriguing. I can see where they came up with these ideas. It's not that each is bad. It's just that each is an explanation for the dynamics of the family and why the do the things they do. It depends on how those dynamics work that determine a bad or good family situation. For example, if you keep track of the things you do for someone and you know exactly how much they owe you, it could get you into trouble as you build up the resentment. Or perhaps in your family a hand on the shoulder means a serious conversation or you're in some sort of trouble, so later when you're dating or married it happens and you immediately overact, thinking you are in some sort of trouble.

Basically, open communication is the key to keeping each of these family dynamics on the healthy track. Communication not only requires talking, but also developing the skill of listening and being respectful of differing opinions. Then you can discuss why you are having problems and how to best fix them.